That Day
by Titanic-fanatic
Summary: Sequel to 'Him'. Post Stohess. Levi and Heidi are closer than ever. The battle for mankind draws on in the walls, promises made are called for fulfilment. In the words of Erwin, words Levi knows too well, courage and faith in others is the only way to ensure survival but will the lengths they are willing to go to protect one another destroy or save their love along the way?
1. Prologue

**_Hi and welcome! I hope you enjoy, please indulge in the full summary - silly character limits!_**

_Sequel to 'Him'. Following the events of Stohess, Levi and Heidi are closer than ever. The battle for mankind moves within the walls and promises made are called for fulfilment. In the words of Erwin Smith, words Levi knows too well, courage and faith in each other is the only way to ensure humanity's survival but will the lengths they are willing to go, to protect one another, destroy or save their love along the way. The past corrupts the future but outcomes are invariably impossible to predict, perhaps the only way to succeed is to be torn apart in order to begin again._

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><p><span><strong><em>Prologue<em>**

_Just like the mark of one's thumb, or the splinters of colour that occupy an iris, each of us possess courage that is unique both to the body that harbours it and to the soul that endures it's choices._

_It is said that there are many ways into the soul of man; words and actions are but ciphers and to peer into another's eyes is said to be staring into the depths of one's spirit. I would amend this; eyes are but windows, curtains can be drawn and a blind eye can be cast upon that which displeases or shames us. Colour can be clouded with emotion and want, we can choose to give but an impression of what another desires to see. Such is human nature. It is under this perception that I say courage is the truest measure of the soul...of what lingers on the surface, what festers in the cracks, what writhes within the innermost parts of ourselves. Even the darkest shadows we deem unfit for the world to see, because we a scared and afraid, cannot evade the light cast by courage. Be it fear of judgement, acceptance, impassivity or ignorance, lack of understanding or complete comprehension why is it the prospect of illuminate these fragments, these embers that burn long and slow into the unyielding night within, strike our hearts still? That I cannot answer but what I know is that courage draws its power from them, stokes the cinders and unsheathes the potential of that person, draws them from the binds of darkness and allows them to take flight._

_I have seen the embodiment of courage in many, and one more certainty can be drawn from what I have witnessed; it is an unprecedented thing. There are those that stand in the stead of others, that lead whilst taking on the burdens placed upon their shoulders with vigour and purpose, burdens not necessarily their own. Some fall so that others can take that flight, speak out for those without the means or strength of voice to do so…and then, there are those who defy such convention._

_Their courage is often not regarded as such to those around them and most definitely quantified as anything but courage by themselves for it does not surface in a manner any eye or human sense can immediately perceive. It is its will. As the residue of an otherwise dead fire, silent but glowing with meagre warmth in an often cold and calloused heart, it too is unwittingly brought to life by an unexpected change in the wind. It thrives where circumstance has all but extinguished fear, hardened the face, drawn distraction from the dimming light as to let it burn pure despite its state of dire hope in the direst of places. For this it is the wisest and most considered of all courage surfacing in reverence, the firmness of a hand upon a shoulder, unspoken words sealed in the stoicism of a lip, in the thinning of eyes that do not waver but merely observe as sharply as flint that also sparks a flame anew. What appears to be lack-lustre masks for a soul that does not require pride or personal gain, it sees without obstruction as there is no smoke to trace nor interrupt its path._

_To not take action requires more courage than believed and to act at the right time; a sum insurmountable. For one must have the faith of all the Goddesses, or a fool's hope in a cynics mind to be capable of such a feat. To place trust in others and abide by one's word no matter how desperate the need to act becomes; that is true courage._

_Erwin Smith, 850_


	2. Piece of Mind

**Piece of Mind**

"Do you hear yourself when you speak, Erwin?"

The blonde merely quirked his lips in response. Remaining seated at his desk he rested back into his chair with ease. It took a second for his steady blue gaze, that had danced over the page before him, to lift to the other person in the room. The shorter man, sat on the leather sofa opposite held an equally vague expression; his arm stretched out along the back of the seat whilst his leg remained hitched over his knee. It was a rather languid posture for an otherwise rigid individual. His eyes were as blunt as Erwin had expected, as well as being impassively fixed directly upon his.

"Why do you think I run my speeches aloud to you? If I'm going to install confidence in those squad leaders who remain, I may as well test my words on the most cynical mind that will be in the room, Levi,"

His friend cast a dark glare as to indicate his opposition to having to hear the speech once more, let alone in a meeting.

"It was fucking beautiful, do you want me to book an orchestra, or perhaps a pianist?" Levi scoffed.

His sarcasm swilled in the afternoon air long after he had spoken, mingling with the gentle breeze rolling in from the open window. Erwin began putting away his ink and quill, demeanour unaffected save the glint of amusement in his eyes. He was watched carefully, the weight of his Levi's stare remaining upon him as he tidied, and so decided to be that bit more impeccable with his actions. No doubt Levi would prefer to be late and there be no mess left in their temporary office. The conclusion caused the smirk playing on Erwin's lip to grow before dissipating completely.

"As always I appreciate your honesty,"

The drawer shut and Levi snuffed, not gracing Erwin's ever-mild manner with his attention. Instead he took to inspecting the tip of his freshly-polished boot.

"And as always I am bored to tears," he then noted, "Just spout your usual shit about saving humanity, putting their hearts on the line for some form of break-through that is sure to come soon,"

Erwin rose at this, adjusting his bolo tie and rounding the table unaffectedly.

"Speaking of which, we should really head down,"

Levi got to his feet in silent agreement, following after his superior with a delayed sigh, "Don't tell me the brat has been crying as well as having scared the shit out the Garrison, not that the latter is particularly hard,"

"Woerman would have blasted him with a cannon if Pixis hadn't intervened. Though the blonde cadet, Yeager's friend, gave quite a rousing answer, or so I was told," Erwin commented as they departed.

"Gutless idiot," Levi remarked.

He allowed for a pause as they passed some of said soldier's subordinates in the corridor. They had also fallen quiet, observing both he and Erwin with nervous expressions, doubtless having been discussing the same topic. Levi waited until they were out of earshot, somewhat relishing the soundless anxiety filling the dingy hallway.

"Well the kid can be your new soundboard, Erwin. It'll save me the effort of suffering your abridged, and no doubt equally taxing, thesis on the human soul."

After this statement they continued on their way in companionable silence, only to be broken on their reaching the dungeon door. Erwin couldn't help but comment.

"I knew you were listening,"

"Doesn't change what I said," Levi countered, opening the passage to his friend with an utterance.

The shift of Erwin's eyebrow was enough of an acceptance to satisfy Levi; his suggestion would be noted.

* * *

><p>Levi wasn't sure why this memory murmured to him in the dark. It drew his attentions to the blackest recesses of the room where wall met wall, numerous iron chains found their cladding and where the dribbles of water clung to the grain of rocks before dripping periodically onto the ground. Erwin's words, belonging to the speech that never made it to the podium, wracked his mind and punctuated the silence along with the incessant moisture. Perhaps it was the similarity of the situation, his surroundings that had sparked such a random scene to occupy his mind; a titan-shifter in their custody. The sound of his boots had spat that same filthy water that pooled between the flagstones. The decent in torchlight had been of the same steady pace and the sight of Erwin's crown, blonde and neatly kept, had flickered into his vision as it had before, bathed in firelight and shadow. Once more his broad shoulders had subtly shifted with the temperature drop having plummeted with the stairwell and labyrinth of corridors they had followed to this very place. Then again, they had often found ourselves in pivotal situations beneath the surface of this shitty world so it wasn't a surprise at all to be recalling such a time. Maybe it was all of this paired with the unsettling sourness in Levi's gut. His skepticism had only sharpened since the last venture into such depths: the fact there was nobody to interrogate caused the bitterness to beat down on his furrowed brow further. They had also been standing in this shit-hole for ten minutes, the entirety of which Erwin, Hange and himself had been in a line, glaring at the Survey Corps' latest acquisition in wordless contemplation.<p>

"To run is cowardice," his voice began, breaking the quiet, "To stand for what you have done and face consequence is bravery or stupidity, I cannot entirely ascertain what this means."

Those turned out to be Erwin's only and parting words at this inspection of Annie Leonhardt. Promptly he had stalked out, attentions caught between his thoughts and the very thing he was describing no doubt. The door creaked, and his retreating footsteps soon vanished.

* * *

><p>'<em>The bitch crystallised. The coward hid rather than explain herself, shitty brat. I'm getting too old for this.' <em>

That had been my initial conclusion and it resurfaced with equal vexation as Erwin disappeared. I considered following the man but we had not spoken since HQ, not as we once had before. It was something I wished to avoid lingering on as I knew he'd remove the pole from his ass eventually. Disinterested in Erwin acting like a fucking child, I glanced over the trinket we had obtained as testament to our joint endeavours. That was all it was; a _trinket_. We may as well of had a fucking statue erected in the Capital: it would have served equal purpose and would have cost less in blood and lives.

_'Meaningless. Utterly fucking useless.'_

In my reflection, my thoughts seared back at me with unnerving clarity. I'm not a narcissist nor interested enough in the dead-end to give it further time. Inhaling infuriation the dampness of the cell stuck in my nostrils and struck my senses dumb. The dank musk clogging my airways told the back of my throat that this place was riddled with mould, providing yet another valid reason to get the fuck out of here.

"Well, this is a waste of my time."

"I know Levi, but look at it…and just think about how much we could learn from-,"

"We _could_ be learning a lot more from the blonde bitch if she was bound to a chair and very much _animate_. Like…what she expected after killing my unit and nearly doing the same to my _wife_?" I replied calmly, a bite of annoyance and that smell spiking my tone.

I would not have spoken at all if others were here, or Erwin for this moment. A pang of unease pitched in my gut at the thought, prompting me to slide my eyes around the room for affirmation of what I already knew. It was as if the fact I could only hear my own heartbeat and one other person breathing wasn't enough proof that were now alone in the dungeon. I'd been so wrapped up in my thoughts everything seemed distant and fading to black…then again it could be tiredness creeping up on me.

_'Since when was I a whiney old shit?' _

I straightened, eyes thinning and forcing myself alert. My mind started to wander once more as I studied the shiny rock from afar; that bitch's face sleeping serenely from within, mocking little brat. The only thing stopping me from pestering Erwin for more information was my faith in his ability, though I would have been lying if I said the idea of forcibly yanking out that pole and smacking him topside with it was rather tempting. What was he planning? _Actually_ thinking? In that instant I didn't give a shit about our next scheme save for the role Heidi would undoubtably play. Again my innards churned. Yes, my priorities had shifted considerably, but I'd never second guessed my senses before. The realisation I was doing precisely that was fucking me over mentally, along with this whole shitty situation.

_'Fuck, it's rank in here,'_

None of this boded well and despite our evident isolation, I still regretted letting my true thoughts slip. I narrowed my slate eyes on Hange.

"No questions about what lies beyond the walls…why Eren is the way he is?" Shitty-Glasses enquired, face pressed to the crystal's surface.

Part of me wanted to yank her away from it, albeit a larger part than I would care to admit. She didn't know what the hell that thing was made of. If it was hostile the casing could shatter and shred her skin, sear her like a branding iron or even…_absorb_ her. The notions after that became even more and more ridiculous and were fuelled by nothing I had actually witnessed. As bizarre as my speculations became, my sense of unsettle did not lessen. If anything it dug itself under my fingernails as I irritably inspected them.

_'-and it is filthy.'_

Hange was in that mode, the one where her questions became of a level tone, which was an oddity in itself. Voice and mind would be entirely focused but somewhere in the middle-distance; between what was directly in front of her and in that idiotically brilliant mind of hers. I had often thought it was meandering outside the walls, ambling nonsensically but the crystal before us disproved that entirely. Our enemy that she was fascinated with was very much in the Walls… literally but to what degree it is unknown. Something in the refracted torchlight told me that this was just the beginning of finding out the extent of infiltration.

"Eventually," I said in answer to her, allowing malicious malcontent to morph my voice.

Hange smirked, turning to me with satisfied hazel eyes and now leaning against the crystal.

_'I'm going to have to rip you from that thing, aren't I?'_

My stare became slight as she started shifting her weight back and forth on her heels with a ridiculous grin. If she were shorter I would have said that she was some brat in a sweet shop, standing next to the boulder of a gobstopper she had been salivating over from the window all day. That same discontent swelled in my stomach, prompting me to speak.

"What are you waiting for?"

"You, my friend, have _changed_…next thing you know it's time to pick out curtains and names for the children," she cooed, yes _cooed_.

I couldn't quite decide what was more disgusting, that tone of voice or the fact that she just ruffled my hair after touching that _thing. _

"Don't do that," I mentioned placidly, adopting a scowl.

"What?"

She was teasing me, crouching down a bit and putting her hands behind her back. My glower darkened, I wasn't really in the mood to be fucked with and my mind was swelling with too many thoughts and uncertainties. I did not need Hange being Hange right now, I could feel a migraine scratching at my skull. The friendly glimmer in her eyes saved her from a more 'active' reply.

"Call me your friend," I answered frankly.

She blinked at me stupidly for a second and I turned on my heel, heading for the door; I have other places to be. Her whines and heavy footsteps raced after me before I made my escape.

"Ai, Levi!"

I smirk to myself, half-concealing it as I look to her briefly.

"I expect one to be called Zoe!"

My unimpressed expression fully resumed its hold on my features.

"And I expect your head to be back up a titan's ass trying to work out this…_inconvenience_…is," I sighed, lacking the energy to swing a kick into her or find another word, "If it's hers be sure to make it a painful experience,"

"I'm not sure Heidi will appreciate that approach with her, take it easy on her," she beamed, practically shooing me out, "Go get her, Tiger,"

I don't even bother responding, asking what a 'Tiger' is or otherwise, and pinched my brow as I ventured up the stairs. Some things are better left to sit and not be encouraged with reprimand, especially with Shitty-Glasses.

_'Fuck knows how we ever got to be so…familiar.'_

* * *

><p>"What in the hell were you thinking?" Jean snapped.<p>

"Excuse _you_?" she started back.

"He's right you idiot," I agreed from behind Heidi, only to receive an almighty green glare, "You could have been killed."

I had nearly reached our room when I came across the pair. They were in the middle of the corridor and having a domestic. What is it with these two and fucking corridors? I exhaled a bored exhale, abandoning the thoughts that Hange had dropped into my fatigue-worn torrent of a brain. For once I was happy that Kirstein was giving Heidi an earful. Perhaps she would listen, heaven knows I have tried to get through to her about her lack of self-consideration. Giving my wife an equally immovable front of silence, I waited for that moment when a splinter of resignation formed in those viridian orbs. It was something I _could _predict about her. Jean's eyes flitted over the woman that had always been between us, ire softening at the sight of her re-direction.

"As of when do _you two _agree on anything?"

It is then I noted the air became stiff, Kirstein's stilted brown eyes meeting mine before lowering instantly. My eyebrow piqued at the reaction, a heat burning my own ears. She always managed to put her foot in her mouth, idiot.

"The quality of his assessment is parallel to his taste in women," I remark flatly, resting my gaze in her green, "Almost."

Heidi frowned at my words, though I could see her fighting the tug of her lip, hands still set on her hips in defiance. I was awkward, I knew that, but she liked it so why not. Anything for that blush to set in her cheeks. Kirstein, somewhat stumped as to how to react, smiled nervously. I decided to spare the fool any more discomfort, not to mention I wanted rid of him.

"Jean, see that Braus has left already. She needs to check in with the others. Give her that extra loaf of bread from dinner if that speeds her up; the pigs here don't need any more fattening up."

Jean nodded, stealing another glance at Heidi before departing. She watched him with a small and resigned smile and I felt a tinge of annoyance flare up in me, his eyes were lingering too long and somewhere they shouldn't have been.

"I thought I left _you_ to sleep," I accused, wrapping my arms around Heidi's middle and resting my chin on her bare shoulder, "At least tell me you've been to see a medic for your thick skull,"

Heidi smiled softly, sighing into my chest, which was answer enough. It is as we stand there, my eyes drifting over her body, I realise what had Kirstein all eyes and skittish. She really shouldn't have been wandering about with just a tank top and a pair of shorts on. My hands slip to her hips and my eyebrow rises at the lack of underwear in both regions. I fought that familiar pang of jealousy by sniffing her supple skin.

_'At least you're clean, much better,'_

"Well, I…I couldn't get to sleep without you, then I ran into Jean and-,"

It was a sheepish admission and she stopped speaking as I pecked her neck. I wasn't sure why, but Heidi always seemed to be incapable of speaking when I did this, not that I was complaining or anything.

"Brat," I commented affectionately between kisses.

"But you love me?"

Heidi had smirked as she spoke, hugging my forearms with her own.

My confirmation comes in the form of an exhale, "but it doesn't stop you going off-piste and needing to be tucked-in though, does it?"

She shook her head, smirking and flicking me on the nose. I grinned, granting release and following her back to the room I had deposited her in some time ago. We found a space between the covers, something which hadn't taken long; much like my showering despite Heidi's protests of my 'being silly and to get some bloody sleep because she doesn't care if I'm dirty, moron.'

"Nice speech by the way," I mentioned when running my fingers through her hair, "But I fear you've been spending too much time listening to Erwin."

"Says you," Heidi said nestling further into the crook of my arm with a soft sigh.

It circled my bare abdomen, tickling my skin as I stretched out my arms with a yawn. I dismissed thoughts of him, promises made and words given; my muscles felt like lead and thinking about these things was starting to cause a knot in them.

"I never used to sleep before you,"

Her quiet breath was enquiring, almost as much as my own in the dark.

_'Why did I say that? I sound like a sap.'_

"I'd nap in my chair," I then supplemented, cloddishly.

_'Because now I sound better?'_

"I'm sure this is comfier, Levi?"

I study her golden hair, the way her body is curled up to me and soothing my limbs with her warmth. I shift, switching the situation. Resting on her chest and entangling our legs beneath the sheets I can feel her breath from lungs to mouth. I kiss her breast lazily as we lie as close as humanly possible, mumbling into it.

"Even better now,"

She giggled lightly, playing with my bangs in response. It was the last sensation I recalled before sleep. That, and the feel of her breath settling above her precious heart. It was still beating, and still in my arms, and that is all I needed to rest peacefully that night.

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><p><em><strong>AN: I hope you've enjoyed so far, its going to be a weekly update if all goes to plan! Let me know what you think and as always thank you for reading and much love !**_


	3. Soldiers' Dance

**_A/N: __Lemon warning until the next page break! Also I am completely overwhelmed by the support so far guys, hence my early update - it'll be every Saturday from now on though aha! Let me know what you think, as always I want to know!_**

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><p><span><strong>Soldier's Dance<strong>

She screamed out arching her back in the most delicious of ways. His eyes, dark and hooded, followed a bead of sweat as it rolled down her taut muscles and toward him. Levi was practically undone there and then, a jolt of fire spreading from her heat and enveloping his body completely. He moved deft hands around Heidi, one grasping her slick middle and the other smoothing her shoulder as to steady her.

"Maria, L-," Heidi managed to dislodge, voice having been stuck in her throat for some time, "_Levi_, keep g-,"

Levi smirked at her unfinished plea, not that she could see anything save the surface of the table she was clinging to ever so tightly. Eyes glazed with desire in the darkest of shades he ran a hand over her tanned thigh with promise and without a word. He moved again, retracting before pushing deeper than before. It earned another yelp of approval, followed by a few in quick succession as he repeated the motion. Levi flicked his bangs from his wet brow, it dripped with perspiration as his jaw locked tighter with every thrust into his lover. For Heidi to elicit such sounds fed carnal craving, curling his lips somewhere between satisfaction and yearning. The want surging through his body, throbbing at the contact, was electric and damn near rendered him wasted. This was the first time they'd tried this, and by the sounds of it, it wasn't going to be the last. Maybe he would thank Hange in some way for the inadvertent inspiration but this was far from his mind at present. Maybe he wouldn't. All Levi knew was that his eyebrows had clenched, becoming turned on further by the mere prospect of having his wife like this again; Heidi was mess, melting and moulding in his hands.

"I'm close," he gritted, pounding deeper.

At this shooting pain seized his ankle though it was easy enough to dull with ecstasy and her name.

_"Heidi,"_

"You're not the on-, only," she gave up after that, smiling into the table she was gripping, white knuckled and closed eyed.

Having pushed her to her hilt, Levi took to tightening his clasp on her hips as to steady her body and focus his own. He shifted his weight.

"Levi!"

"So, fucking, _tight_," Levi growled, words punctuated by slowing jolts; it wasn't a complaint but a compliment, a comment of appreciation even.

He moved a hand under to the most intimate area of her anatomy. Heidi's toes were curled, wrapped around his buttocks as if to bring him in deeper. Levi could feel her crumbling, gasping and flicking her head back at him as he stroked her gently. Heidi was shivering at his touch, as if each rotation of his fingertips was completing a circuit. With those saturated emerald eyes and dripping hair splayed across flushed brow he thought, the only thought piercing through the waves of pleasure rolling through him, that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen…and that she was his for the rest of their lives. It was then Heidi bit down on her bottom lip, containing a cry that he could feel building in his own lungs, fighting to tear away from his throat.

_'Does she realise what she's doing to me?'_

Heidi stared into his eyes from heavy lids, that sly and knowing smirk blossoming on her face as her husband watched her.

_'Right,'_

Levi took hold of her hips with greater purpose, strong fingers gripping as to make his mark. A few final jerks, legs nearly losing themselves as he spilled into her silkiness, sweet release eased his rampant heart. Rounding his back, a breathy slur of expletives escaped Levi's lips, clenching her pert ass. Heidi could feel his sculpted abdomen against her soft flesh, his fingers bruising her, his laboured breath travelling over her, the pressure of his lips kissing any patch of skin they happened to brush past. It was all too much and she was done, staring at the surface of the table she was splayed across.

"Levi," she sighed, tone honey to his ears.

His wife softened beneath him, fingers grasping for his jaw. Levi leant into her tender palm, trailing sloppy kisses down her thumb and wrist.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured, causing a pant of a smile to spring over her mouth.

Heidi made another noise to prompt him into action, she was beyond words.

"Okay," he obliged, still relishing the ends of her contracting flesh, "Nuh,"

Levi removed himself from her, then leant his palms on the table as to watch her some more. Steadying himself was another reason but he'd dare not admit that to her. Heidi who had quivered at the loss, let out a whimper before rolling over. Lying there haphazardly she stared up to her husband with soft eyes, mind blank save for whatever thought was occupying it this instant. In this state of shared bliss, he scooped her up. She still dripped with his sex, clammy body calmly covering his as soon as their eyes became level. Heidi kissed Levi's mouth and neck, all the way down to cherishing the line of his strong collar bone; no sounds made, no protests or asks for more as the inability to be separated from his flesh was satisfying on both parts.

"Did I mention I love you?"

It was a whisper into Levi's skin, fingers running down the perfect planes of his pectorals and causing his somewhat wiped mind to regain focus.

"Maybe, somewhere between screaming my name and…,"

He paused, enjoying the sensation of Heidi's Iips crawling back up his neck.

"I lost track after that," he admitted quietly, capturing her glossy mouth with his.

The kiss was soft, soon building in momentum as they began grabbing at one another again.

"Do you want to end me today?" she asked, airy voice a half laugh in the silence.

Levi hissed, his member coming into contact to a place he called home as she shifted closer. He was spent, as he knew Heidi was, but by the Goddesses he did not believe in he could find the strength to take her all over again. The way she spoke, the flicker of light in her dark and dilated eyes. Levi found himself damning everything as he leant to her ear, nose caressing its curve.

"Now, is that a challenge or a request, my love?"

His eyes were smouldering, as they inspected Heidi's body from this intimate angle. A dozy kiss interrupted him, a wide smile pressing against his mouth. An 'eep' followed as he slowly ground against her.

"Come on we probably have somewhere to be," Heidi whined, feigning disinterest at his persistence.

A wry smirk proceeded his reply, "The only place I need to be is, right-,"

"Levi!"

* * *

><p>Jean's arms were firmly crossed, glaring at the offending patch of ceiling.<p>

"How can you stand it?"

"Stand what?"

A giggle sounded from the room above, the second bout of laughter after…other…noises. Was Levi actually laughing? No he could just hear Heidi and oddly that was worse, _much_ worse.

"I'd hardly noticed," Hange dismissed, a smile creeping across her features as she continued to inspect the lump of rock in her hand.

Jean was about to question how, when a rather loud thud sounded in answer. His second question as to what, about the rock in Hange's hand, had her brow furrowed so firmly was lost to the wayside; it being replaced by muffled laughter. Jean cursed under his breath, getting hot under the collar with irritation.

"You can hear it too, Yeager, don't deny it," he snapped to the bed-ridden Titan-Shifter.

"I don't want to think about it more than necessary, they're married, what else can you-," he mumbled, eyes still shut as he lay there.

"Ignore it, it's a miracle they're alive," Armin interjected, breaking from his silent contemplation at the foot of Eren's bed.

The blonde's gaze drifted from Hange and up to Jean, glazed look vanishing. His peer had his arms crossed and was leaning against the wall opposite like a moody teenager, which he technically was, but Armin thought better of pointing that fact out.

"Yeah well we saw the fight with Annie, we don't need a running commentary to their '_celebrations_',"

Curiosity stoked, Armin said, "I sense someone is still a bit sensitive about the subject?"

Jean glowered at him, a look somewhere between a pissed-off Heidi and a seething Levi Heichou. Hazel had never looked quite so dark and brooding. It made Armin inhale sharply.

"No," Jean grumbled, making as though he couldn't care less.

Nobody was fooled and nobody commented for a moment.

"Come on, I'm only teasing. No girl caught your eye yet?"

Armin was fried, thinking and re-thinking about what would happen next. He wanted to emulate Erwin but by whatever powers that be _how_ did he stay sane?

_'Oh yes, sacrificing one's humanity,' _ he sarcastically pondered.

Talking about something other than Titans was a welcome break, Eren had even pried an eye open at the topic and that saying was something.

"Well we don't exactly have time to _dance_ do we?" Jean mumbled, cheeks flushing crimson and eyes set on the ground.

"_Dancing_, is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Hange blurted out, grinning, "I still thought it was called doing the dirty, dipping your wick, popping the cork…no? Smacking the salmon? Never thought you as a prude Kirstein, blushing like a schoolgirl…,"

At this another thought occupied Hange's face dissolving her concentration on him.

"I wonder, why it is in times of hardship that romanticism finds it's feet?" she added whimsically, letting that linger.

The boys stared at her, bewildered and a little horrified. How did that woman's brain actually function? It was anybody's guess as to what the a hundred different thoughts a minute ranged from, hopping and seemingly skipping with every heartbeat. It was only when Hange continued to speak that they broke from their perplexed expressions.

"How are your arms, Eren?"

"What the fuck Jean?!" he replied, delayed from eying the Squad Leader sceptically, "And fine…just heavy,"

"Just because I don't refer to it as _fucking_ or _screwing_?" Jean ranted.

"Yeah, Jean-bo," Eren jibed.

Armin visibly shrunk into his shoulders.

"Eren, I swear to Maria, I will punch you in the face, let it heal then punch it again if you bring my mother into this,"Jean gritted, striding over and leering above him.

They stared at one another for a long moment, air between them fizzling with animosity. That was until Jean took it up a peg.

"Why should I be bothered anyway, it's _your_ sister Levi Heichou is smacking the-," he wavered his hand at Hange, a look of disgust and an inability to recall what the end of the phrase was straining his lips.

"They are married," Eren repeated, more to himself than at Jean, "_married._"

Armin was somewhere between breaking them up and cracking a smile; though that may have been to do with his fatigue more than anything. Nothing amused him about the image of what was going on above them. Despite it being humorous that Eren was the one calling Jean out for being shy yet was now muttering kind-of desperately to himself, Heidi was still _Heidi _and Levi was still…_scary_. With this the weight of the days events hit once more, causing the blonde to sink into his seat further. This wasn't the time to smile as so much was left unresolved.

"Yeah and they were totally just holding hands up until _that_ point," Jean commented, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Don't have to be a dick about it," Eren mumbled.

With that Hange piped up, "How long _were_ they-,"

"Shit, I don't know Hange?! Why the hell would _I _know that?" Jean exploded in exasperation, "And if we are sat about asking stupid questions then what the hell is so fascinating about that rock?!"

"I was going to ask, Hange," Armin admitted latching back onto purposeful conversation, "What is that?"

"Well, it's a piece of Annie's skin,"

A silence swelled in the small bedroom.

"H-how?" Eren managed, eyes set on crystal-like rock.

"Am I holding it?" Hange ended, "Well Molbit and I took it and it just didn't disappear. We came up with some interesting things, the most prolific of which is that the compound is similar to that of the walls themselves,"

Her eyes rested on Eren, and everyone else's followed suit.

"With the Colossal Titans in there-,"

"Yeah we know, going to take a walk pretty soon which is more great news," Jean nodded to Armin, reflecting on the previous night's dinner conversation.

Another pause came and settled on both Armin and Hange's mouth.

"Wait, you were _serious_ about the walls being made from Titans?" Jean practically choked out.

"The more I think about it, the more logical it is. Like I said: no joints, no bricks-," Armin deliberated with a dented brow.

"Hang on, what?!" Eren pitched in.

_"_Oh, sorry Eren, we forgot to tell you," Armin replied, snapping out of his train of thought.

It was like a trough or trench, dug so deeply into his brain as his speculation had passed over the idea so many times. It was like rising out of water when he jumped out of it to speak again.

"When Levi Heichou and Heidi took out Annie's fingers, before you two fused, part of the wall fell down and, well,"

With that Hange's voice drifted in, full of adoration and wonderment, "There were these huge Titans, beautiful big boys, colossal and having a nap, so peaceful and relaxed within the walls,"

She was practically drooling, staring out into space as she recalled the sight. Eren, on the other hand looked positively mortified, bright green eyes wide and terror-stricken.

"Armin reckons Annie's hardening ability could have other uses…meaning that Humanity has been protected all along from Titans _by _the Titans," Jean translated matter-of-factly, flinging concerned glance at Hange as he went.

Eren looked to his own hands. He turned them over, comprehension consuming his features.

"We could potentially plug the wall? That's what you're saying? If I could just-,"

"Once again, it all rests on you shit-head," Jean sighed.

"_Plugging the wall_, _that's_ a new one," Hange pondered, voice distant yet snuffing a chuckle.

"Commander Smith?" Jean blurted out, scrambling into a salute.

Everyone straightened at the sight of Erwin, even Hange seemed to become serious all of a sudden.

"At ease Cadets," the tall man began, eyes wandering from Hange to them, "How are you feeling?"

"Better, Sir," Eren replied.

"Good, but a few more hours rest wouldn't go amiss, hm?"

His tone was gentle, almost fatherly as he placed a large hand on the Eren's shoulder. It took the three boys by surprise though nobody voiced this. Then again Erwin looked different. It was only under close observation, in the silence between the Commander's question and Eren's response, that one could see the beaten brow and the tired shade of mauve starting to round his bright blue eyes. Even they, so often clear and shining seemed a little duller, though that might have been a trick of the candlelight. Erwin seemed satisfied with the minute nod he received from Eren, panning said eyes over to Jean.

"Any word from Braus yet?"

Jean shook his head, "She should be heading back now, Sir,"

"Very well. Armin, I would like to borrow you, if I may?"

"Heichou," Armin obliged, hopping off the bed.

Erwin followed the young Cadet, lingering in the doorway for a second. His broad frame filled most of that which he held onto, an expression consuming him that neither Jean nor Eren could pinpoint as he did so. The only thing they could be sure of was his unyielding sense of purpose was still at work, even in his blunted blue, as he glanced to Hange and that words were lost on his lips before speaking. It was both relieving and disconcerting to see a flash of that familiar fervency.

"An hour, Hange?" he indicated, nodding to the rock held to her chest.

She gave a small nod with a smaller smile, peering through the doorway after Erwin left. Curiously, or not so curiously on considering the hour and the overwhelming tiredness the Corps were feeling, her eyes were also fraught with something that words could not quite describe. It prompted Jean to exchange a look with Eren; never had their superiors looked so uncomfortable. Again, this was yet another reminder of the precise situation of the Scouts.

"I'm going to get my notes ready, sleep well Eren, you too Jean," Hange offered, placing a soft hand on his blanket-coated ankle then on the other's shoulder before sloping out the room.

It took a moment of not speaking for the silence to be broken.

"Ever get the feeling that something is going on and nobody is going to tell you about it directly?" Jean asked into the quiet.

"Story of my life," Eren murmured heavily.


	4. Stained

**Stained**

_My legs are lead and the wind clips at my heels in the rain. The sound is warped, almost like the droplets are hitting a tin roof. I know none shelters me and there are just as few in sight but it is the first thing that springs to mind. Ricocheting. A Recoil. It falls with that unmistakable rattle, I can sort of feel it pressing against my pulse, stilling it as a rifle ghosts in my grip. It reminds me of dropping bullets, scattering across the ground in each and every direction, heading somewhere but I can... at the same time I can sense it cutting through my flesh for my failures. That fucking noise and that smell...dampened gunpowder from the heavy rain. It is as if it bypasses all else; the howling gales and shouting men, my dry throat and panic-stricken eyes. The cacophony is distant like their figures and barely forming a breath in my mind, on my skin, in my heart. Yet I can still feel it, the sound of the rain. So much so that I can barely distinguish between water and air anymore, the smell squelching into that of wretched places soon to be seen. Mist, smoke or sheets of the storm slicing the spaces between us…it rings, seeps through my clothes, chilling me to the point that I can't tell if I can sense anything new anymore. They were all muffled, blurred. I have forgotten a lot but never fully anything. The sensation scolds my fingertips, icy water burning my skin as it drips. Shit, it reminds me that all there is, all that is left for me, is guilt and the rain. Bearing down on my tired body it nearly brings me to my knees, forces me to drown somewhere between it and the pooling mud. I'm rooted in the gelatinous muck and all I should do is run. It would be stupid to do anything else. After all, there is no hope now: I had lost her. _

_I have to bolt, make like the thunder and dissipate. Keep moving. Find her somehow, someway, sometime. The promises sear my chest from the outside in making each step unbearable and filled with purpose. A crack of lightening and the shadows flicker, faces painted white and grey. I almost believe it is her skin in my palms as I flee, she was cold and fading or was she writhing and fighting? The red clay earth is saturated to a point of resemblance. Another flicker of her face and I know it is something sinister and thick; the stuff clogs my lungs and is metallic on my tongue. I want to wash it away, scrub it from my hands as it splashes over me, sprays across my eyes, calls to my own residing in my veins. I start to barrel away from it and them. Blood? Is that what it is? No, it's fucking dirt, it has to be. _

_I have to escape to keep my promise. Yeah, that's right. There is no distinction between red and grey, grey and green as I run. The dark is encroaching as the storm reigns on so there is no point keeping track any longer. As long as I keep going toward it, I can keep my word: slit as many throats as it takes to do so. I will keep my promise alight…no matter how hard the rain pelts down._

* * *

><p>"M-,"<p>

Waking with a start, hand already gripping the blade lodged under the mattress, I felt relieved and panicked all at once. The residue of the thoughts flooding my head tinged my tongue. I rolled over the taste, bitter and hot before flinching: I was coated in a cold sweat too.

_'Fucking disgusting.'_

This realisation didn't sound like a relief, even to myself, but it was. Not only did it confirm I was having a nightmare, a vivid one but a nightmare all the same, the odd silence that suffocated the images from my wincing eyes told me Heidi wasn't awake to bear witness. It was one of the few things I could not stand. The thought of her seeing me _this_ way, so weak and so…I don't know what word would suit best as I'm not the poetic sort but, as I glanced at the weapon brandished by my white-knuckled grip, I felt as shitty as the tremor in my chest. How the fuck had it burned its way into reality was a mystery. Then again, the horrors I dreamt up once belonged to a yesterday in my life. They always bleed back through my dreams, fuck everything they say about putting pressure on a wound to stifle the loss: it doesn't work with this. I am sure repression makes it worse but what alternative is there? They always found a way, have done ever since I could recall…just like the fucking Titans.

_' And people ignoring that problem don't fare too well, do they?' _ I thought cynically.

Whatever it resembled or mirrored was of no consequence, just like our recent efforts, and it made it hard to distinguish what was true and what was false. Those lies, demons, even they were real at some point; things that had warped over time as they fell by the wayside only to be regurgitated over and over.

_'Fucking Titans'_

I slowly began to pry my eyes open, a few deep breaths steering my aberrant thoughts into one. All I was certain of these days was that I didn't want to scare Heidi, or more fittingly scare her away; _that_ sentiment rang as clear as a bell no matter the hour or circumstance. My mind ambled about not having such trivial worries, or so I would have viewed them when I slept alone. Nobody could judge me then for reflexively fending for my life and if they did I couldn't have given less of a fuck if I tried. I would have beaten the shit out of them for just knowing.

_'She's everything to me…perhaps I should talk to her…I did say I would…,'_

Heidi wouldn't comment, wouldn't embarrass me…she was too kind. She hadn't before even when she should have.

_'Got to keep her safe, not worth a better night's sleep for fuck's sake…what kind of man are you?'_

I groaned at the memory. Another familiar truth I had come to grips with lodging itself between my lungs; there are some things that time just can't sweep away, some stains just run too fucking deep. I learnt long ago that regrets can never be fully wrenched away from you, they stick, like mold and keep reappearing in the oddest of places.

Managing to banish images of Heidi's bruised body mind, I coughed lightly and felt about the mattress for her in the dark. It was then panic returned full force: I was alone in the bed. She wasn't there? It was only then I noticed the padding of feet. It snapped my ears to attention.

_'Who the fuck is running?'_

My hand scrambled about, reaching further across the sheets.

_'Where is she?'_

I jumped up, a bit disorientated in the dim morning light, hardly able to discern the foreign furniture between myself and assumedly her form. What other woman would be rushing through my room half-naked? I had no idea so immediately dismissed the stupid consideration with a half-uttered curse to match. A pang of unease then pitched in my gut. I couldn't have woken her, _could_ I?

_'If I hurt her again-,'_

"Heidi?"

My voice broke with the rise in volume, cracking with its sudden jar from slumber and setting it a good octave lower than usual. I received nothing in response other than the distracting drumming of my pulse in my ears. With that a door slammed shut and I was pinching the bridge of my noise in an attempt to acclimatise anew; the door had been like a thunderclap in the quiet and seemed to reset my body. I dropped the blade on the desk with a rattle and ambled in Heidi's direction.

"Heidi-chan?" I demanded groggily.

_'Please don't say I've hurt you again,'_

I didn't know who I was begging but honestly I didn't give a shit as long as she was okay. As I reached the midpoint of the room, marked by that odd orange haze that comes with so early an hour, I halted. At last my brain was beginning to function properly, senses kicking-in.

_'That door wasn't that to our room, it couldn't have been, it was too close to me.'_

"Go to bed, Levi," she grumbled from somewhere in the otherwise pitch-black.

She didn't sound shaky just annoyed and tired. I relaxed somewhat, the glugging of running water confirming the path I had already _sub_consciously taken toward the bathroom. Rubbing the back of my sweaty neck I wandered closer to the noise of the plumbing, frittering away visions of injury and assailants along with other shitty nonsense I had come up with. I trudged, stubbing my toe in the process and it fucking hurt, especially as it was attached to my already fucked-up ankle. Muttering, I grouchily jostled the handle of the door, only to release it in further annoyance. I ended up resting my forearm against the door frame and the damp crown of my head against the oak that blocked me from my wife.

I gritted my teeth, grumbling my to myself, "How the hell am I so soaking? I'm worse than after training for Maria's sake…damn it I'm alright… just fine."

A lie never sounded so unbelievable from my mouth. I guess I couldn't fool myself when as drenched as I was. Sighing after a moment, I resigned to remaining where I was and the throbbing pain fully stretching up into my ankle. My heart was racing again and so shut my eyes with a thought: at least Heidi is alright. Suddenly another sound filtered in above the taps and if I didn't know any better it sounded like retching.

_'My definition of alright really needs re-defining,'_

"Heidi, open the door or I'm kicking it down," I threatened lazily, swallowing my ever-lurching pulse.

Sounds of protest were followed by a waterfall of, well, I imagined the beef stew we had that evening. It assaulted my ears and imagination vividly.

"Like I give a shit. Open up," I pressed, stomach churning at the prospect of mess and that meal revisiting the land of the living; it was bad enough on the way down.

"I'll be fine, just, l-let me be," Heidi implored, recovering only to gag again.

I decided to slump down against the wall and wait for my stubborn wife. Left to my thoughts wasn't helpful, the shadows of the room tricked my eyes back to haunted visions every so often. It angered me to no end and further instilled that wretched wringing feeling I'd been outrunning for what seemed my entire life.

_'Just in case I'd forgotten it,' _my mind offers sarcastically and with lethal venom.

That burning blistered with my heartbeat as I sat there and without realising I was rubbing at my chest, mind lingering where it oughtn't for minutes at a time. Things had changed now and Heidi being on the other side of the door was enough of a reminder to split my attention. Disgruntled, I grabbed a towel from the cupboard and sat back down, wiping at my sweaty body broodingly.

Any remaining vexation fizzled out when the door finally creaked open, having decided it too early and I too lucky to be so bitter. I wasn't the one chucking up my organs after all. Even my sarcasm vanished thick and fast when eventually looking to my side. The crease of light and droplets of water hitting the floorboards withered my grimace; Heidi's legs were trembling too and for a brief second I thought I had indeed wounded her. With her damp shirt and equally clammy face I had jumped to the worst case scenario and with her completion bleached of colour in that fucking orange light I saw red where water and sweat had pooled.

_'Shit, are we having a crappy night or what? Between us we are a fucking wreck.'_

My half-assed mitigation didn't detract from her looking like a reanimated corpse with bloodshot eyes and shaking fingers, if anything it just made me tense up all over again. I caught Heidi's face in my hands instantly, crumpled expression surveying her drooping lids. She looked fit to keel over any moment now. It only took a breath for the smell of the bathroom to hit my nose and cause my frown to deepen.

"Please don't look so pissed off at me," she breathed, hugging her stomach in complaint and making as to waddle back to bed.

Immediately I blocked her path by tugging her top off. She grumbled at the interruption, putting up a meagre fight before I managed to yank it off and cast it into offending the bathroom. She complained at the cold, now only in her knickers, but I simply scooped her up in my arms, slight thing she was.

"I'm meant to look after you, be it from getting eaten or regurgitating what you have, it's my job," I mentioned, pulling back her fly-away hairs.

Heidi sighed at my touch, lying there and not meeting my eyes as she balled up in the sheets. I wasn't sure if she heard me but the next thing I knew she had given into sleep, gripping my hand fervently. I would have given a small smile if not for the frightening shade of Heidi's cheeks and the stench now scratching at my nostrils. I sat there for a bit, just watching her, thoughts veering off into that dangerous territory again. Without the energy to scowl, mental or otherwise, I pried her delicate little hand from mine. I ventured off for cleaning supplies I'd clocked on arrival; the Military pigs may live in a sty but even that repugnant a smell would not have gone unnoticed if left. Besides, sleep was threatening to allude me, I may as well make use of the time.

* * *

><p>I was dressed by the time Heidi stirred, just fixing my cravat at the foot of the bed. Though my expression was as impassive as usual my thoughts were far from the serenity my face alluded to. Whilst cleaning in the night I had time to think, something that I enjoyed from time to time. No joy or sense of accomplishment came last night; my head seemed to fog up further rather than clear and it seemed hell-bent on torturing me with each and every thought I happened upon. There was only one way they could have wandered and it hadn't resulted in returning to bed. Old habits die hard and were as uncomfortable as the chair I'd ended up catching an hour or so in.<p>

"Levi?"

My eyes darted to the blade I'd abandoned in the dark. It was casually resting on the table, at my heels for the remainder of the night. I almost snorted at the sight but ended up thinning my stare instead. Perched on the end of the bed I swallowed possibilities that never came to fruition and others I couldn't think about any longer; the ones that had clamoured at me for hours. If I did, knowing my luck, they'd come true and then things would truly be fucked around here.

"You alright?" I replied nonchalantly, feeling the mattress give as Heidi moved about.

"I, I think so," she mumbled from behind me.

I could feel her eyes on my back, and it was making me nervous. Could she hear my thoughts? I hoped for her sake that wasn't the case. All I knew was I couldn't bare to look at her innocent complexion, it would surely be tainted with my sordid gaze. A twinge of anxiety plucked at my pulse but I didn't let it show, simply forcing my lips into a flatter line.

_'What are you, a child? Nightmares are for children, fucking idiot,'_

I eventually turned to survey Heidi, eyes swiftly drifting over her hunched from. With her arms around her knees, pressed to her full chest she looked smaller than ever. Disgruntled I watched her rake a shaky hand through her mess of blonde hair. Paleness she had adopted didn't fare much better in the morning light, though if I looked carefully enough there was a flush of pink…it was promising but didn't elevate my mood.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mutter, biting my tongue.

It must have come out a bit brasher than intended because she blinked slowly before speaking.

"I'm sorry, I must have eaten something that-,"

I shook my head, forcing myself to not touch her more than necessary. I felt her forehead for a second, retracting it with a 'tch'. I couldn't help it, my mind was still stuck somewhere between worry and this moment. Spying signs of me littered all over her skin wasn't convincing me otherwise. There was a cherry red mark on her neck from where I'd bitten it, firm yellow fingermarks on her thighs…I recognised my handiwork and it never usually bothered me too much however I felt annoyance brimming within.

"You look like shit but just make yourself presentable for the meeting, we can't show any weakness, not today."

My voice was devoid of emotion. I was too wrapped up in adamance. Even as Heidi proceeded to stare at me for a long moment, some thought or another flickering through her wide green eyes, I didn't react. They were so beautiful and so confused, I nearly gave in, cracked there and then with an apology and explanation for my particularly volatile attitude but instead they rendered me dumb.

"Okay…I won't be long,"

Heidi had murmured her answer, hurt look haunting me as I rose. Brusquely, I stormed out and down the corridor. It was only on reaching the meeting room that what had just passed sunk in; my behaviour wasn't warranted and I'd literally gone back on what I'd said only hours ago.

_'My own fucking issues getting in the fucking way.'_

Blustering into an empty room can really make you feel like an idiot. I calmed down a bit, shoulders sinking as I took to glancing out the window. Before people started filtering I had conceded to the reality of the situation; second-guessing myself seemed to be a new _thing_ for me now.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: So Levi's being a prick but with good reason (ahem Professor Oak reference aha). Please let me know your thoughts! I love your feedback guys and if it weren't for that boulder in Trost I reckon reviews could be used to plug up the wall - hint hint, hehe. Also who's seen the ACWNR anime preview? How awesome is it looking and by it I mean Levi... cannot wait for December now - ahhhh!_**


	5. Claim

**Claim**

I felt like a Titan's arse.

_'No, wait. They don't have them, do they?'_

I blinked, focusing on the task at hand, and everything else in the room for that matter. It was as if every time I moved my sight it all shifted slightly, blurring in the bleak sunlight that fought through the heavy clouds and the equally heavy curtains. A storm was on its way, making the air thick and hot. I was literally sticking to the wall I leant against. Part of me knew this description wasn't entirely true. Even as it formulated along with a film of sweat around my collar I vehemently denied it. As the sickly sensation crawled up my throat I began to give in, entertain that my deduction couldn't be further from the truth. After all, nobody else seemed to be having issues with heat. Gritting in determination and pure rebuff to be ill I stood a little stiffer.

_'I can't fuck this up for the Corps. Can't be a point of weakness, we need to be uniform, strong…'_

My collar clung to my throat and I damned it on surveying my comrades; they all looked so cool and collected. In that instant, as if a red flare had been shot, I could have sworn Armin had just jutted his hands into his arms in order to keep warm. I abandoned my adamance a bit, accepting my situation and leaning my weight into the wood panelling a little. I found it comfier and didn't make my stomach curl so fiercely. This turned out to be a mistake as I felt my lids slip shut, a swaying sensation lulling me further against the wall and slackening my resolve. A subtle tug on my arm abruptly broke me from the dark.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jean mumbled as the meeting murmured on in ignorance.

_'For starters I'm sweltering in my uniform and they are drinking fucking tea.'_

By _they_ I was indicating the 'dignitaries' of Stohess. The word felt as loose in my mind as the handle I had on my body. I focused hard on the window, somewhere between discomfort and being pissed off. It did look like something was brewing in the expanse of clouds but perhaps I was being overly optimistic or trying to ignore the ache in my stomach too hard. With that the sickly scent of tea wafted before me and I swallowed thickly, refusing to breathe it in.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I dismissed, and rather convincingly at that.

_'Geez, my skin is crawling with the urge to puke,'_

I inhaled slowly, fighting that growing need to gag with a greater urge: not causing a scene. As Jean released the fabric of my jacket and returned his gaze to the table, I noticed that Nile was now staring at me with a sharp and scrutinising expression. His eyes screwed into mine for a minute or two; he looked less stressed than in our last encounter yet just as obtuse. It was distraction enough to forget the actual acidity in my mouth in favour of one rooted in opinion. Funny enough, it was equally curt and more consistent than even my waves of nausea.

_'Does he recognise me? Or does he know I want to throw-up? I could throw-up on him…if I tried,'_

As if he heard me the man uneasily shifted his beady eyes over to Erwin. We'd been in this meeting for about an hour, most of which was spent with the Stohess councilmen saying their piece and pretty much blaming our Commander for the destruction of the district. He was taking it well, like water off a duck's back, as expected. Also as envisioned were the adamant and crude looking men that formed the lynching party. The council members were all short and stout, grumbling old bastards who had clearly never seen a Titan prior to the massacre two days ago and felt compensation was more important than the loss of life accrued. It aggravated me to listen and watch, their swollen stomachs hadn't seen a day of discomfort until recently and the way they spoke you'd have thought they'd been scrounging hand-outs with Eren, Armin and I after the fall of Wall Maria. I briefly considered how they would fare against our enemy. Their shirts were buttoned so tight it was a wonder they could even breathe right now, let alone in the face of true fear.

_'At least I'm not the only one who can't catch a breath,' a thought sparked from my mind._

Briefly amused with this and realisation that Erwin was at the head of the table, despite being the one practically on trial, I was distracted by the sound of tea being sucked from a cup. A balding council member, I think he said he was a fabric merchant…like I actually cared what he did, was the cause. My lips scrunched shut.

_'What is it, spiced? I usually like the smell but…damn, there I was thinking it unbearable before the sound effects,'_

It was itching my nose, wringing my neck and confusing me along the way. Under this heightened discomfort there was a shift in my periphery: Levi. Positioned behind Nile and nonchalantly leaning against the opposite wall, as he had been since the beginning of the meeting, Levi was doing his usual thing of staring anywhere but at the people speaking. Regrettably, his blunt and bored eyes had designated me as that 'anywhere' today. Not only this but they must have done so for quite some time too. I only suspected such as his brow was drawn in so taught line that any movement appeared out of the question. The tension unnerved me, as it normally did but today there was something else glinting beneath his habitual contempt. Between the disconcerting tint and his firmly crossed arms I could only guess he was either concerned or annoyed at me after our sort-of argument. It felt like we'd had one but neither of us had really said anything, let alone in anger. In reality we had hardly spoken this morning and his demeanour was just as frosty as on waking. Sure, Levi had asked how I was, but just once and that was before all the glaring and prickliness. I knew he tended to lash out when worried, especially when it was concerning me, but that didn't seem to be all that was swirling in his grey gaze.

Conflicted as to what to believe I averted my eyes and began to fidget. Mindlessly, I brushed a stray hair from my forehead, only for it to cling with moisture. Curious and worried, I felt a vague sensation of déjà vu wash over me. I dodged it by clasping my hands behind my back and pressing them firmly between my body and the wall. A couple of remarks passed about something or other and then the pig who had been slurping his tea finally set down the china with a slight clatter. I flinched, almost as if I'd been jostled. It was like pockets of attentiveness were ebbing around me and I as unable to keep track of it all.

_'Fuck, why is everything so intense or bleary?'_

Jean cast me another concerned look out the corner of his eye. I could even sense Erwin's discreetly shift onto me. Suddenly very conscious and self-aware I did my best to put on a stoic face, hardening my gaze at nowhere in particular. The weight of Erwin's blue faded and the sudden constriction of my harness seemed to ease along with it. I rapped my fingers quietly, stretching out the pressure of my straps on them, they were trembling and I longed to inspect them. My compromise was balling them into fists in the small of my back. I was still under observation, it may have been the cause for the hair on the back of my neck to stand to attention. Unable to shake the fact it was more alert than I, I reluctantly braved the source.

It only took a second for Levi's eyes to harden into bullets and shoot themselves to Erwin, but on reaching them I was met with anything but attack. His silver eyes had sifted over my face with a tenderness I couldn't quite fathom, despite those irises I adored completely dense with concentration and contemplation. An exhale was silently stolen from my lips at the sight, followed by another tug but at my heart. I almost spoke but checked myself with an inhale.

_'We're in a meeting, snap out of it,'_

Besides, Levi's eyes had thinned with a thought by this point. He seemed to be listening extremely carefully to the silence in the room, though that was as sure a sign as any that his mind was elsewhere. Contempt curved his eyebrow beneath the fell of his bangs and I was left more muddled than after he'd stomped off this morning.

"I have a request," Erwin started, causing the stilted air to off-set further.

"You are in no place to-," one of the council began.

"Would such loss be worth it if nothing came of it, at all?" he overrode firmly.

"Well, we know this much," the merchant continued in a clipped manner, "You say this Annie Leonhardt is a quiet as a mouse and we have been very generous in allowing that Titan-shifting boy to live another day. The way I see it, whatever you pose will stand us to lose more despite our _graciousness._"

A grumble of agreement sounded behind teacups. I would have punched the one that spoke if I had the energy. Erwin did not bat an eyelid, letting the room fall quiet once more.

"I believe we should track down the other spies that infiltrated the Corps, they pose an even greater thre-,"

A loud bang caused everybody to snap their head's to the door. There stood Amy Schultz, having found the _secret_ location of this _secret_ meeting without much difficulty. When two Military Police shadowed her, looking like they'd had the shit kicked out of them, it was clear that maybe some difficulty had been met. This was not the only thing that was worrying the people in the room. If her face didn't look so serious I would have laughed at the men.

"We couldn't stop her," one muttered.

"Schultz?" I manage, startled into my old self.

Her eyes were as wide as saucers, gleaming with urgency whilst she panted in the doorway. She leant on another disgruntled member of the Military Police who had been stood by said door. Amy glanced at me then Erwin.

"Commander, the Wall," she managed, "Wall Rose…breached,"

With that statement the stagnant air was sucked out of the room. It left a vacuum of pounding hearts and faces etched in horror. It transpire tea was spilt, seeping over the table in the soundlessness. All eyes were on the breathless woman, save mine and apparently Levi's. He was scanning the expressions of all in the room from his vantage point, decrypting each and every one for something. He stalked to the side, finding a spot behind Erwin until he halted.

His slate stare remained on one of the pastors, the one Hange had been cosseted by a few days ago. I had hardly noticed him, he had been so quiet and still. The man, whose eyes were deep set orbs had not flickered, his features not even flinched. This, was enough to keep Levi's focus and my own set on him and my own. A bead of sweat trickled down his rough brow; adequate cause to make it a prerogative never to let the aged man out of reach. Something wasn't right, Erwin must have sensed it too as he broke his concentrated expression from Amy. I considered his words as he too looked to the robed man; he always chose them carefully. My brain vaguely offered a phrase from the blonde, to express a wish to hunt down 'All the enemies that are hiding inside these walls.'

It clicked into place right then; that may as well have been a direct order to take down the men in black garbs and gold chains to my husband, or at least pay close attention to them.

"Thank you Schultz. Now, if that is all gentlemen, I wish to speak with my subordinates in private."

One thing Erwin could be counted upon was his audacity for politely not giving a fuck. Either that or his impeccable ability for foresight and timing.

"Erwin, you realise the gravity of what you have done?" a merchant stuttered.

"And I am sure it comes second only to the threat of what is happening at Wall Rose. Nile, if you wish to take over proceedings-," Erwin answered oh so courteously.

"That won't be necessary," he grits, eyes averting Levi and briefly glancing to me.

With that the men began to rise, a bit stumped as to what to say or do.

"I'm sure you would like someone to remain?" Levi said apathetically, arms crossed and leaning against Erwin's chair as if he had been there the whole time.

Nile gives him a riddled glare, "I was _considering_ it,"

_'Bullshit.'_

"No takers in the King's service?" Levi sighed, referring to the now considerably paler members of the Military Police lining the walls of the room, "Perhaps, one of those to whom the walls are sacred then?"

My brow creased as did Jean's. Levi didn't need to look at the Pastor for him to visibly wince.

"Indeed, if we are to go about retaking both Rose and Maria, we would not wish to offend their sensibility," Erwin clarified to the petrified people.

I sometimes underestimate how those two can manipulate a situation and here it was unfolding right before my eyes. The pair had essentially tag-teamed the entire room with no more than three questions and a sentence. It firmed my belief that Erwin could convince a wild hawk into a cage and have it sing to you on the hour with not so much as a mouse and Levi could pre-empt his superior's intent without so much as a breath between the idea and action. I glanced to my husband; he was unfazed and disinterested by the anxiety he had instilled in the room now gazing out the window casually.

"Nick will remain, won't you pal?" Hange smiled, planting her hands firmly on his shoulders with rippling fingers, "We've been hanging out lately, haven't we?"

Jean gulped at the sight, clearly a bit disturbed by our friend's creepy content.

Hange's 'new pet' nodded, "My duty is to the sanctity of the walls and their preservation."

The room cleared after this. Mostly due to Levi and Erwin, but also because Jean wasn't the only one weirded out by Hange. Bustle died down, Nile ordered the guards outside and with Amy practically flopping the door shut things took a less formal turn. Levi remained silent, plonking down in the vacated seat between Nick and Erwin and lazily stretching an arm around the back of the pastor's seat. Armin took to Erwin's flank.

"Schultz take a seat. Pour her a drink Kirstein then fetch Yeager," Erwin began bringing his hands together.

"Thank you, Commander," Amy said, gulping down the liquid in one go and immediately holding out the cup to Jean once more.

I subtly held my breath again as more tea was poured, attempting to calm my gut into submission.

"Kirschmann, open the window. It's rather warm, is it not?" Erwin continued, not even looking at me.

"Sir," I answered doing just that and trying not to let on how thankful I was.

"Armin, I believe that you have a proposal for our next move?"

"Yes, and Eren is the key," Armin replied.

* * *

><p>It transpired that we were to make a beeline for the Wall Maria, more specifically the Shiganshina District. There, under the cover of nightfall, we would use Eren's hardening ability to block said wall. Now, this all sounded great on paper, heck even with the conviction Armin was speaking with; it was all thought out. There was one glaring problem that could not be masked with all the hope in the world, one that hadn't been touched upon until Levi spoke.<p>

"It's not about if you can do it or not," he drawled, staring at Eren with cold and piercing eyes, "You must do it. You have no choice."

Eren's expression floundered, looking to the man between Hange and his Squad Leader. We still hadn't explained to Eren who the guy was, to be honest all we know is that we needed information out of him.

"Do it," Levi repeated, obviously seeing something I'd missed in Eren's green-eyed gaze.

With that he rose, venturing over to a cabinet by the window. Nick did not react and a blanket of unease settled over those in the room. Intrigued, I watched Levi retrieve something, his back to us all.

"Commander Erwin, why do we have a member of the Wall Cult here?" Eren mustered.

Erwin deflected the question to Hange by looking to her.

"Now, Nicky here knows about the Titans in the walls, has done all along. He and his buddies seem to want to keep this under wraps though. Even if Nick dies for it," she explained.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Eren growled, jumping up out of his seat and leering across the table.

"Sit. Eren," Levi ordered languidly and not looking back.

I watched Eren temper himself, slowly lowering as Hange answered. He did have him trained, to an alarming degree. I suppressed my speculations by studying Amy. Her frazzled face had transformed into a mask of attention, hair splayed everywhere but none the less fiercely focused. A flicker of pride filled my thoughts.

"Turns out Nick is having doubts about this, after witnessing yours and Annie's scuffle…wants to see what the situation is for himself."

"Yeah because that is what it was-," Jean muttered.

Erwin didn't make a sound, allowing this all to play out. His blue eyes wandered to me and then the Amy. He seemed to be considering something, it was a mystery as to what.

"Well, from where I stand, this one seems to have guts, but what about the other fanatics from his little sect? I highly doubt all of them can boast this kind of willpower."

A slow exhale floated through Levi's hair as he continued working, his voice slicing through the air like a finely sharpened blade for all it's directness.

"Oh well, there are lot's of ways to make a person talk. I may be useless in combat right now…but I sure as Hell can keep tabs on one old man."

The click of a revolver being shut accompanied Levi as he turned. He seemed unaffected by everyone as he casually shined the barrel with a handkerchief, stare narrow beneath his bangs. Meticulously folding the cloth back up he closed the space. Levi towered over a seated Nick, cocking the pistol and hitching it under his eerily steady chin. Gently, Levi encouraged their eyes to meet with the weapon. This was the first time I saw Nick look anxious.

"So do us both a favour and don't try anything that will result in new holes opening up in your body," he added, vaguely assessing his hostage.

The blood in my veins ran cold. The change from a searing heat causing my lips to thin. Seeing Levi like this, so impassively intimidating. It was different with the cadets, with us. It was as if the structure of the Corps gave him authority and reason to be so hard. However this…this was something entirely alien to me. A flash of him grabbing me in Sina glinted at me off the pistol. The severity of his eyes, so filled with resolve and history I had no inclination of glaring through my reverie. I don't know why but I felt sicker than I had all day.

"Schultz, have you seen Cadet Braus?" Erwin asked, breaking his silence.

Levi took this as a signal to release Nick and sat back down.

She shook her head, "Members of the 104th took lead of the evacuation groups heading north and south of the incident. Her and a cadet…I forget his name…he had shawn hair and wasn't too tall…they said they knew the area well."

"Connie," I breathed in realisation.

"Levi did you send Springer and Braus?"

Levi's stare thinned on me, "It seems the 104th can be counted upon for teamwork. Sounds like it was fortunate he went."

He was saving Connie's ass. It wasn't a secret that Sasha and Connie were close…but why Levi was taking responsibility for his actions made no sense to me. A softness simmered at me and my heart stammered once more.

"Very much so, Corporal," Amy agreed, "Few others would have been efficient."

Erwin let this situation slide, eying the whole room cautiously before our dismissal was given, "Ready to leave. We head out within the hour. Levi remain for a moment."

We were all a bit bewildered and I took my time leaving, sort of lingering to speak with Levi. Erwin was conversing quietly with him as everyone filtered out. The more closely I looked it appeared that orders were being given. Levi broke his attentiveness and froze, noting that I was still stood at the end of the table. That same odd look plagued his pewter gaze before glancing back at Erwin. The blonde watched me, blinking before I huffed and strode out.

_'Enough of this bullshit I'm not going to pussy-foot around and wait for Levi…Maria's sake, I'm not well enough to try decrypting my ass of a husband.'_

* * *

><p>Needless to say I was rather angry by the time I got to my room, packing hastily without too much care for the condition our uniforms would be in. Things seemed to be coming to an ugly head as I thrust article after article of clothing into a satchel, rinsing the drawers roughly as I went. Bottom line; Levi still hadn't told me anything, wasn't going to and my patience was wearing thin.<p>

"Shouldn't have promised not to push for answers, stupid Heidi," I muttered, ramming the last of our shirts into a bag, "Fucking prick,"

When the door knocked I half-anticipated Levi. Dread ringing through me like a bell and echoing into a briefly blank mind.

_'What would I say? Was I really that angry? He's acting like a prick, but maybe something else was up. Cleaning-up after me couldn't have been the best thing at whatever stupid hour it was…I don't remember him returning to bed. Why am I making up excuses? What the hell was he doing in there?'_

I held the back of my hand to my mouth a violent swell of vomit and questions curdled in me. Somewhere in the struggle I recalled that Levi never knocks, not usually anyway.

"Just a minute,"

"Heids?" Jean asked, poking his head in, "Heidi?!"

By that point I had all but dove into the bathroom, aiming at the toilet. I succeeded, along with unwittingly inducting Jean to oversee the fiasco.

"Just get it out," he soothed, "I knew you looked off,"

I blindly gripped out for a towel to wipe my mouth but found Jean's hand. I halted, as did he. It took a second before the sensation was replaced by cloth.

"Here," Jean added, tone distant and awkward.

"Don't tell Levi,"

It's the first thing I said after regaining myself and some colour and as the sentence hung out to dry even I wasn't sure why I chose to say that. Jean's brow knitted together as he handed me a glass of water, eyes surveying me with a troubled tone.

"You're allowed to be ill."

"I know, it's just I was sick last night and he had to clean up after me…well, we haven't really spoken much since, I think he's too worried to say anything but-," I rambled, ignoring how defiance clipped Jean's words.

"So the cleaning fairy doesn't always like cleaning, huh?" he mused sarcastically as I rose.

I didn't reply, mind churning over things in place of my gut.

"What's wrong? If he's done or said something," Jean continued, following me into the bedroom.

Again, I was too deep in thought to reply and ended up being twirled on the spot by Jean's hand.

"Heidi…have _you_ said or done something?"

"I don't know," I say, chewing on my lip, not moving from his grasp on my arm.

"Look, I don't want to be giving him the benefit of the doubt, but you can be a handful," Jean admits.

I meet his brown gaze, and saw sincerity. It only lasted a second before dissolving into resignation.

"Whatever the case," Jean picks up, "My money is personally on him being a dick…despite the only things I truly know about that asshole being that he cares for you and he loves you."

"You say that like it isn't enough," I comment, deciding his lack-lustre wasn't completely unintentional and looking at the floor.

"Is it? You said it, not me," he returned stiffly.

Silence slumped between us, my face crumpled with it.

"You married him, so quickly…,"

My head shot up and Jean resembled something between a startled fawn and a shying child. It was as if he'd crossed a line he promised he wouldn't and had let himself down by doing so. I felt under fire but didn't know what exactly made me need to hear the rest of what Jean had to say. I would have retorted. I _should_ have retorted but no argument came.

"Do you wanna know why I was so angry?" he asked.

I assumed I was pulling a face of some form, but just nodded.

"I was jealous, but that aside…I was annoyed at you being so impulsive, as _always_. You hardly knew him and then next thing its-" his words escaped him, fizzling out with his sharp grimace, "You hardly _know_ him Heids. His past? Is that still a big blank gap? Has he done you that courtesy yet of filling it in yet or is he still leading you through the dark by torchlight? Only letting you see what he wants? By the look in your eyes in there I don't think he has."

I feel my cheeks heat and tears surfacing. Jean's deep exhale blows across my face.

"I'm not going to apologise for sounding like a jaded ass because I'm doing it to remind you I care about you, always will," he said taking hold of my other arm, "No matter what…and there are other people than Levi that-,"

The door creaked opened and we both stilled.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt…just we're leaving soon…uh, Jean I need you to help sorting the cart," Hange blundered, looking at us skeptically.

Jean sighed into my eyes before releasing me, "I'll be down in a second."

The door shuts and I wipe at my tears, lost in it all. Without a word he hugged me tightly, smoothing my head for a moment.

"Like I was saying, the rest of us care about you Heids…see things a bit differently from the outside ya know…now I might be biased and everything could be just peachy…but take the Walls…prison when you're in them but salvation when you're galloping at breakneck speed toward them with twenty Titans on your ass."

"We aren't all horses Jean, not sure I follow," I jest into the solidity of his chest.

Pushing off and grabbing my bag, I just focus on him for a few seconds. I could always count upon Jean, knowing exactly where I stood with his honest hazel eyes and slight smirk.

"I'm only going to let that slide because you chucked up," he replied, taking it off me as we headed down.

When we made it to the courtyard Levi was the first to clock us, if his mood had lightened it didn't shown on his face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : Thanks for your support so far my lovely readership - bows in gratitude! So what do you reckon's going to happen...what's wrong with Heidi? How do you feel about Amy Schultz being back? Levi is certainly not a happy bunny, but why? Next chapter will tell all...may be an earlier update on the way...just saying... x**


	6. In our Hands

**In our Hands**

"Big brother, what do you mean?"

"I mean that there was a reason I came back, I didn't just leave and return for the hell of it. You can't just do that, idiot," Levi replied, continuing to make the adjacent bed.

"You've been _above _the surface _before_?" Isabel all but exclaimed, though her voice came out hushed.

One thing you didn't do was shout about being 'up there'; word travels fast in a place with a roof. Living under it was one thing but living under suspicion, well, there wasn't such a thing, at least not for long anyhow as you were deemed police scum or traitor.

_'Even in the shittiest places there is still a hierarchy' _he pondered, tucking in the blanket tightly.

"We're not underground anymore," Farlan sighed from his bunk.

"I didn't want to make the deal but we had no choice," Levi evaded, "Unless not breathing was an aspiration of yours?"

He turned then, glancing up to Farlan.

"But, then, what about-," Isabel piped up, drawing his grey gaze downwards.

"Just..._forget_ it Isabel. It's been years. If I couldn't change anything back then and all the time I was down there...I sure as shit can't do it now we're here. Besides, we have our own situation to deal with first,"

"But you said-,"

Levi glared at her, zipping the red-head's mouth shut in an instant.

"Shut up, brat," Farlan interjected from above, "So when is Eyebrows _summoning_ us?"

There was no immediate answer as Levi and Isabel had locked in battle. She had thinned her eyes and he had thinned his right back, she had scooted up on her elbows while winkling her lips and he had remained a still, unwavering force to be reckoned with. Her big green eyes had turned into slats, dancing over his features as though to find a break in the impassive wall he had created. She found none and only broke away on registering what Farlan had just said.

"Hey, I said don't _call_ me that!" she pouted, huffing a strand of scarlet hair out of her face.

Isabel promptly kicked up at the bunk jostling a smug looking Farlan. He wobbled with her assault, unscathed and still picking at his uniform jacket before sending a casual glance to Levi. He simply rolled his equally blasé eyes back.

"I mean it as a term of endearment," the brunette explained in a bored voice.

Isabel furrowed her brow and firmly crossed her arms, staring up at her friend as though to sear her way through the mattress. She could never tell when he was joking or being serious, much like Levi. The pair of them could be a right pain in her butt sometimes, stupid men.

"It means he's being nice," Levi explained, dropping his own aggravation and brooding thoughts.

"You ever going to call me that then, big brother?"

With that Levi's hand landed on Isabel's head, ruffling her crimson locks lightly, "If you're lucky, kid."

He managed to dishevel a wide grin out of the girl as well as her hair.

* * *

><p>I griped my reins a bit tighter. It was like my mind had no filter and was forgetting what I'd been thinking about all day. Seriously, I had spent the entire meeting replaying these shitty memories and what was it doing now?<p>

_'Making me feel shittier that's what.'_

Images of Isabel's eyes haunted me for a moment. They were so similar to my wife's yet so very different. Heidi had been crying, I could tell from the way she trembled as she caught sight of me outside the MP barracks. Yet I just looked at her, not doing anything other than turning back to the horses when I should have been holding her close and telling her she'll be okay. I blamed it on Nick being around and not letting on any deeper allegiances than the obvious. I didn't trust a man who had devoted his life to something only to be questioning it at the first sign of trouble. Why? Guilty parties always recognise their own. I exhaled deeply. Maybe it was that and Kirstein being the one who accompanied her to the yard. Or maybe it was me being a shit husband and not biting the bullet, simply telling her what she wanted to know.

_'Can't do that, she'll be in danger, you know she will.'_

My gut might be sketching out on me recently but I'd decided, as soon as that rancid feeling of self-loathing had settled fully, that I needed to apologise without compromising my past and in turn Heidi. Like most things these days, this would be easier said than done. Annoyingly a solution came in the form of Hange's words from a few weeks ago.

_'Easily digestible chunks,'_

It is times like this that I wish Petra was here. She would slap me into action or something. I wouldn't thank her for it, not immediately anyway, but she'd know me thankful and give me that hopeful smile. Five years was too short a time for that smile to frequent my life, I found myself wanting for it most days.

_'Too short.'_

I glanced up at the pink sky in an attempt to glean some fresh air; these dusty memories were coating my lungs, despite being out on a woodland trade-route, and I felt I could cough a layer worth a hundred years over it all. A few crows cawed as they flew overhead, spluttering one out of me. I watched them as they descended, starting to pick at some dead animal on the road side.

_'Know how you feel,' _I found myself thinking,_ 'Yes, my brain has been reduced to entrails being plucked at in a million directions at once and there is nothing I can do but endure. Great.'_

"You aren't looking so hot Heids,"

My ears pricked up at this.

"I'm fine, honestly Hange-san…"

"Is a certain little soldier acting like a-,"

With eyes now narrowed to slits, I forced them firmly on the road ahead. I didn't want to hear Heidi's answer right now; I knew I'd been an ass but more importantly we need to get to the town. After _that_ I'd sort this shit out. Thankfully I'd at least come to agreeable terms with Erwin. However what he expected of me was another matter entirely.

"But what was the deal with you and J-,"

"Hange, please just leave it," Heidi retorted quietly.

"Oi, this is meant to be a covert operation, not a fucking parade," I bit over my shoulder.

My gaze found its way to her, unable to avoid temptation. Hange was right, she didn't look much better than earlier as she leant into Eren. He also avoided my gaze whilst Jean and Armin were focused on their respective feet. The only two with the gall to look at me were Nick and Hange. I sighed, setting my sights on the latter.

"Four-eyes give Kirschmann some water for fuck's sake,"

With only the sound of the jostling cart to pass the time my mind began to wander once more, following the same shitty tracks in the mud. Habit and skepticism had me surveying the faces of people as we passed them they became greater in number meaning we were encroaching on the Ehrmich District. They took no notice as we came up to the crossing guards, too absorbed in their own lives to give a shit about a cart full of people most likely. It was like a fucking ship, all the rats were heading for a way out and reaching a bottle neck. Most didn't give a shit about anybody save number one which was fine by me, I'd have done the same in their position a few years ago. In the crowds we were innocuous enough beneath our cloaks, and the cover of the night did us a favour as we were met; no doubt Eren's face had been plastered on every paper from here to Shinganshina. That being said a hooded woman not three foot away struck me as oddly attentive. She had stilled on our approach, lingering too long to be simply gathering her thoughts in the midst of the bustle.

"What's your business?" one of the Garrison asked, cutting in front of the horses and my line of sight.

"Come from one of the Southern Villages, looking for food and shelter for the night."

"Member of the Wall Cult with you? What the hell was he doing down there?" he continued suspiciously.

"Like I fucking know, I just picked him up. Gave me some gold for my trouble as did the lot of them."

"At least someone is making good outta this shit," the guard sighed, standing aside and muttering something about me going to be needing the dough.

I edge the horses on, a chill catching the back of my neck as we passed the woman. Her face was cast in shadow but I'd tailed people long enough to know her eyes were on me. In seconds she had vanished into the mob of refugees, probably never to be seen again until she deems fit.

* * *

><p>"Levi, what's wrong with her?"<p>

I'd stared at Erwin for long moment, unable to evade his questioning tone. When his eyes burrowed into my silence it caught me off guard.

"I don't know."

He seemed neither displeased nor appeased, simply surveying me for another moment. The room had emptied some time ago, Heidi having been the last and abrupt exit of our Council Meeting.

"When you get a chance, have Hange see to her," Erwin instructed, before I could remark he added, "For her benefit or mine…that is what you're thinking?"

The man leant back in his chair, broad shoulders sinking slightly, "You know that Hange and I are the only ones who can fully decipher your behaviour Levi, so don't act surprised. _She_ also knows something's up with you too or should I say the two of you."

I hadn't reacted but I was surprised, all the while damning Erwin and his brilliant mind.

"There was a time when you said you implicitly trusted me. Is that still the case?"

I couldn't find words quick enough and so screwed up my brow and lip in frustration.

"Yes," I resigned, "As is what you choose to do with that trust."

"You know, you are more than my subordinate, Levi. It's dangerous for me to take our friendship into account when making my decisions. Know that I do not make them so lightly as you suspect."

_'Well shit, he's apologising.'_

Instead of being grateful, not that he'd expect it, I took the chance to get a straight answer.

"Why are you saying this?"

"Humanity is a wayward thing where we are concerned," he began, "Like it or not. It's hard for us to fit elements into our lives that other people deem normal."

I studied Erwin quietly, not allowing my face to betray me. His eyes lilted to the files before him, the sound of his finger strumming through the pages at the corner filling the gap in his thoughts.

"I should be appreciating the distance you are exercising with Heidi, but I feel obliged as your friend to say you should make good of the time you have together. We are used to conflict Levi but place it somewhere unusual and even the sturdiest of stones can break in the current…we only have to look at our Walls to see an example of this."

A silence swirled around us, though we continued to converse without a word. He quit fiddling with the paperwork a while ago but his fingers remained on the corner, as if debating its release. Eventually his grip conceded along with my stoney demeanour.

"Thanks for the forewarning, Erwin."

He nodded, going to rise.

"I take this heart to heart has something to do with you staying in Sina?"

There was a pause.

"Gut feeling," I answered to his curious and halted blue.

It was then Erwin did something I did not anticipate. He took up his files save one, making for the door and adding, "It takes courage to go against the flow, Levi. I have never doubted yours."

"Be sure to give my regards to Pixis and Zacklay if you should see the assholes."

Erwin nodded with a smirk, "Look after my soundboard, may be a while before we see one another again."

"I'm not paid enough to babysit these brats," I muttered as he departed.

Now alone my sights set on the battered folder and a crease formed between my eyebrows.

* * *

><p>The sound of the horses nickering hit my ears. Looking up I realise there was nowhere to manoeuvre amidst the masses. Luckily our rendezvous was a few meters ahead if we wove through the hoards.<p>

"We're here. Plan is to stock up as the Military gave us shitty rations while we give Nick a sightseeing tour. Am I right, Shitty Glasses?"

The pastor seemed dumbstruck, eyes widening to a state much like Hange's when seeing a Titan. She simply nodded, getting up.

"Hey, preech," Kirstein said, clicking his fingers in front of Nick's face before jumping off the cart.

The man rose and followed. He lingered as the brats made to tie up our ride and I simply surveyed his expression morph into one of horror. This really was another form of hell on earth. The people, the smell of suffering, the haunted faces in the flickering torchlight…all of it could make your stomach turn and make your conscience curl up in a fucking ball. Battle fields are just the same, though after a while you become acclimatised, your mission dwarfs your instinctive reactions of fear and grief. Seeing people like this wouldn't sit in the most decorated of Soldiers' stomachs as in this cesspit of humanity, when a child cries out for its probably dead mother you just…I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard it before and it gets easier each time round.

As soon as that brat's wail sounded I noted how Heidi had snapped her head up. I place a gently hand gently on her shoulder, biting my tongue and allowing the Pastor to wander past her. He needed to see the sight for himself and without interference. Heidi froze under my touch, barely gracing my eyes with hers before shrugging me off and seeing to the bridles. A few of our contacts from the Corps emerged at this and I found myself torn as to what to do. With a flourish of my cloak I strode after our 'responsibility', hooking a hand on him with a bit more force.

_'The mission.'_

"Reality is somewhat different from the pretty illusions you pictured to yourself while in your little sect, eh? These are the faces of those whom you a trying to cast away. Take a good look at the faces of people who have lost their homes…they are feeling very anxious and insecure right now. But suppose your wishes come true and the land within the walls gets swarmed with Titans. The last expression these people will wear won't be this. The end will be the same for everybody. Everyone will lose their lives in the Titans' stinking jaws but not before being put through the worst experience imaginable. All the humans together, best buds, no exceptions."

I could tell he was listening, properly listening as his breath had become hollow and short. The man was scared, and rightly so.

"Did you, you change your mind?" Hange asked, coming over.

Her face suddenly flushed red "LOOK WE HAVE NO TIME, DECIDE IF YOU ARE GOING TO TALK OR NOT, I'M BEGGING YOU!"

I gave her a look of warning as our brats all shot their eyes over to us in concern.

"I cannot tell you anything, I expect other members will not talk nor change their minds," Nick breathed, looking at the floor.

_'Shit.'_

I knew a lost cause when I saw one and so drifted my attention to Heidi. Something was wrong, deeply wrong and I just knew. It sounded like bullshit as soon as I thought it but with her I could just know. Probably because I'd made a mess of things so many times already, maybe I was actually learning her. I had enjoyed doing so, in so many ways, but it all seemed distant now with the sound of Hange ripping into Nick and the crowds of refugees bustling past. The kid had stopped crying but I couldn't escape the blaring fact that right now Heidi and I were apart, separate. This situation wasn't helping.

"-and we can entrust the secrets of the wall only to certain blood relatives."

Everything became quiet then, at least in our little pocket of this shit-hole. Maybe a fucking ray of sunshine was going to finally shine down on the Corps, something to go on that wouldn't end in vain.

"None of us can tell you anything. However…I shall tell you the name of the person who can reveal those secrets to you."

"Shifting the responsibility to protect yourselves and your organisation, huh?" Hange surmised.

Nick's head hung low, muttering a 'yes'.

"Five years ago that person had been dragged into a strife between her relatives. It caused her to go into hiding under an assumed name. The girl herself does not know anything yet but she has the right to choose to speak publicly about whatever wall secrets are known to her. I heard she joined the Scouting Legion last year."

I don't know why but my eyes darted to my wife immediately. She looked captivated but none the wiser. I began to consider that my paranoid nature was starting to get the best of me when Nick finally relinquished a name.

"Krista Lenz is her alias."

With a sigh of relief I saw all their eyes fly open, particularly Eren's.

"H-her?" he stuttered.

"Go find her, she may know truths unknown even to us. Revealing her name is the only compromise I can afford to make," Nick continued, conflict forcing him to finally look up at Hange.

"If she was in the 104th," Heidi started, "It means she's on the front line right now,"

_'Shit.'_

"Come on, let's go. We need to get to the breach as soon as possible anyway," Eren announced.

I grab a rushing Eren by the scruff of his collar, dragging him back into the huddle we'd created.

"Now let's not go off at half-cock. Hange doesn't even know what this girl looks like,"

"What, aren't you coming?" Heidi interrupted.

Our eyes connected but I couldn't take the glimmer of betrayal looking back at me. I averted my eyes to the boys.

"She's the most petit one of us," Eren blurted out.

"Long blonde hair," Armin offered.

"She's, uh, pretty," Kirstein added, scratching the back of his neck.

_'Well, that makes sense,'_

I scanned my mind for a moment, a vague image of a girl blinkering in.

"She's always hanging round with Ymir,"

The blood in my veins swilled about for a second, before feeling as though it had plunged down down a drain. Heat dissipated and a panicked murmur hit me in the heart. Hange was wearing an expression that I assumed mirrored mine, somewhere between processing what Jean had just uttered so casually. Armin began searching the pair of us, brow furrowing in thought.

_'Pull it together Levi,'_

"I know her," I answered calmly and staving off my bewilderment.

_'Can't fly off the handle after just telling Eren not to rush into things.'_

"Shitty-glasses, she's the little blonde with the wispy voice…looks like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth."

Heidi watched me as I spoke, probably still awaiting my answer.

"Either way," I continued, not getting anything out of Hange's dumbstruck daze, "Plan continues as I said. This information doesn't affect that whoever is going with Hange to the breach needs food and water to take with them."

"Sir!" they saluted.

"But, what about money…I mean unless Erwin gave us," Armin began.

My answer was vague but an order to be followed none the less, "Nick's seen enough for now. I'll return in fifteen minutes."

* * *

><p>They'd all lay in wait for Levi to return, Hange discussing a route with Molbit whilst the rest sat around Nick. A jingle of metal caused them to break from their thoughts.<p>

"Shit," Jean muttered as Levi silently came out of nowhere.

The Lance Corporal dropped a pouch into Kirstein's hand. His surprised expression dissolved to confusion as he weighed the small leather bag.

"Do we really need _this_ much for some food?" he asked, passing the oddly heavy pouch to Armin.

"People are starving, it's at a premium," the blonde answered quietly, handing back the money with a contorting brow.

"How the hell did we get our hands on this much money anyway?"

Eren was left without an answer as Levi cut in, "Just go, time is short and we need to move,"

_'Honestly these brats don't know a thing about being subtle,' _he thought irritably.

More than one set of ears had perked up at their conversation, the last thing they needed was a brawl. It was then, as he eyed them with an authoritative glance that Heidi caught his eye. She often did, it wasn't something new but given the fact they still hadn't really spoken for over 12 hours made the action curious, along with her confused expression. Heidi was looking at him suspiciously, eyes darting between the bag of money being tucked into Jean's cloak and her husband's severe stare. He snuffed, recognising the look but having been thrown by it's placement on Heidi's features. She was wondering if he stole it where in fact it was his. Levi wasn't one to spend what the military paid on anything lavish other than tea and he wasn't an idiot as to have all of it stowed in one place. He had deposit boxes all over, concealed in taverns here and there; he didn't know where between Sina and Maria he'd be stationed and for how long, it was his assurance. Thoughts on the subject, Levi couldn't help but consider that the few nobles littered amongst the poor wouldn't miss a few pieces of gold. Levi wasn't surprised with Heidi but maybe a little disappointed. Things were piling up between them, making the struggle to find words harder. They were both hard-headed and Petra wasn't here to bang them together this time.

"How could you not have fucking realised?" Levi hissed as the members of the 104th departed into the busy street.

"Could say the same for you?" Hange returned under her breath.

Levi's severe eyes scanned the crowded market, this wasn't the place for such a conversation but his annoyance wouldn't be tempered. Releasing it slowly was better than keeping it in and exploding. How many mistakes could they make?! Yet another answer they have been sitting on, literally in Eren's case of the basement, and nobody had picked up on the scent. Mike's mangled body briefly entered Levi's mind, adding extra venom to his words.

"_You're_ the one whose been pouring over that shitty diary all these years, _you_ let that Ymir-brat pass through our fucking fingers,"

"Don't pin this on me Shorty, we're both to blame," Hange retorted, now glowering down at him.

Her features only dislodged when a burly man nudged into her and she rubbed her arm softly; it brought to light that it was weird they were talking in whispers and standing still in such a busy place. Talk about being _subtle_, this was the most obvious way of showing you were up to something. Levi, recognising this and recalling their mysterious watcher huffed. He grabbed Hange by the arm, face finding a flat calm as he tugged her along. This day was just getting shitter and shitter.

"Right, she's not gone. This _can_ be rectified," the scientist offered, stepping out the way of some people as they pretended to browse the market.

"What is it with these fucking brats? Not one normal one out of the lot," Levi sighed irritably, leaning against a stall.

He gazed off into the middle distance, his eyes followed Heidi as she bought food supplies from a kiosk. Kirstein and Eren were leaning to her side, casually observing the bustle and unwittingly imitating Levi's stance. The owner grunted something to Hange about buying or leaving and that it wasn't a viewing gallery. The next thing Levi knew he was being coddled and lead by a weaved arm.

"Come on _dear_," Hange chirped until they were out of his earshot, "Well, we are in the Corps; the mad psychopaths that go outside the walls in search of Titans, Levi."

A quip in pointing out _she_ was the only one actively searching for Titans until recently didn't leave Levi in the end. Instead they walked silently, slipping through the people, everyone slowly making their way back to Armin and Nick beside the cart.

"So what's up with you and Heidi, _honey_?"

Levi's stare remained infallible, in all its flint-like glory.

"Nothing, why?" he answered as calmly as he could muster.

"Because you look closer to being murderous than I have ever seen you in a crowd. There was me thinking you had agoraphobia or something, not just being a grumpy shit."

"I just don't like people and people on mass are-," Levi started only to have his friend interject.

"Hey, _I'm_ people!" Hange whined, slapping his arm.

"I'm pissed off at this Ymir situation," Levi amended.

"And Eren just has a short fuse,"

Levi refused to reply to Hange's remark, thinking to himself that maybe his own patience wasn't far off as of late. Can't people just fuck off? He knew Hange was just trying to help but seriously he was a grown-ass man.

_'In fact she and Erwin can just f-,'_

"Look, whatever it is, you have to speak with her sometime. You _are_ married,"

He rolled his eyes beneath his hood, "Thank you for that _insight_ Shitty-Glasses, you know I never thought of that,"

_'Stupid shitty-glasses being right.'_

A noise brought the pair to a standstill. It was familiar sound and Hange could have sworn Levi just shuddered as his arm remained looped with hers.

"Who's puking their guts up?" he asked, voice flat and resigned.

Hange spun round and peered over a few heads. When a smirk took hold of her lips Levi aptly pried his way through the wall of people.

"Not a fucking word, Hange," he called back.

* * *

><p>I threw up in the alley. In all fairness I had aimed for the alley but not my boots so this was a half victory. No matter how I pitched it I still felt terrible. I clung onto the stone wall at my side, doubled over whilst wrenching and sucking in air rapidly. It smelt vile in the shade without my addition. I felt another surge of vomit shoot up my throat at the thought. Somewhere in my periphery I heard footsteps and in the next instant coolness hits the nape of my neck, a familiar set of fingers start scraping back my mane of blonde hair.<p>

"Well, that's disgusting."

"Shut up, you ass," I managed before continuing to expel the rest of my stomach contents onto the roadside.

Levi's eyebrow shot up with the slightest of sad smirks, opting to smooth my back in circles rather than quip back.

"Oi, Shitty-glasses," he called, not even bothering to move his head, "Some water, hm?"

His brow creased as I gagged, a look of disapproval or concern set in his face. I couldn't tell which before another load of bile burnt from my mouth. Levi held out the water canister patiently and I self-consciously wiped my mouth on my sleeve and took it. He winced but didn't comment, I felt relieved to have him there, squatting beside me but the sensation was brief. I recalled how he'd been and felt edgy all at once. Soon grey eyes were searching mine, again with a much deeper and gentler than necessary glint in them.

"Okay?"

I nodded, desperately wanting to feel better.

_'What the hell is my body playing at_?'

Levi's cool palm covered my fraught brow. I relaxed into it, giving in and leaning against the wall as to look at him. He seemed to suit the shadow, fierce features cut into it, bangs covering his eyes so they could glint like the coins he'd given us. The things were sparkling, hardly used as I handed them over to the merchant. It made me curious and a bit tired of focusing on throwing up I wondered if Levi had been in places like this before, or in worse than this? Had he adapted to the shadows or grown up in them. I hadn't a clue, only knowing about Isabel and Farlan. Even the end of that tale left me with a million questions. Who were Levi's real family? Where were they now? Who brought him up?

_'Why can't I just know you completely?'_

His touch was gentle, comforting and familiar, the other hand supporting my hip in case I collapsed I suppose. I felt like he heard but also ignored me as he raised me to my feet, despite knowing I hadn't spoken. I studied his clear gaze and crisp attention - he didn't have a hint of illness, nor did anyone else for that matter. Whispers in the dark that I was refusing to entertain began clawing at me with something possible but unlikely. The fact that Levi looked so concerned only drove such musing further into my mind.

"You're burning up," he diagnosed.

"And we need to get moving," I corrected, making to break away.

He grabbed my arm, steadying me. Levi was apologising with every action and every glance into my eyes. There was trepidation in the air between us but he braved it going to scoop me up. He even silently asked for permission, clearly picking up on my anxiety.

"Can't let Nick see us-," I mention, wooziness rising and falling as I walked on.

Levi had half dipped down when I spoke. He stopped in thought. It was amusing to watch them flicker across Levi's impassive expression. They usually zoomed by as fast as he was with 3DMG when people were looking, but on our own was another story. They dance for a moment or so and he'd always rub his lips together before deciding. This time his conclusion was to wind his arm around my middle and support me regardless. He gave a sidelong glance with his response.

"Fuck Nick,"

I smirked faintly, "I'd rather not,"

He chuckled, and the denseness between us lifted slightly. His hand reaffirmed itself around my waist, thumb stroking my hip as it went.

"Well, as reassuring as that is to hear, Hange is giving you a once over when we reach a safe-house, no arguments,"

I grin meekly at his crap joke, "I'll be fine, Levi…,"

He stopped and I smoothed his cheek, that one possibility filling my eyes again.

"You're scaring the shit out of me," he said plainly, not flinching away but remaining fixed.

I stared back and he tried to read what I was thinking, he wasn't even trying to hide it anymore and practically tearing through my gaze. There was something else in his own, driving the intensity forth. I contemplated speaking but there was a sigh of resignation in its place, from Levi no less.

"I'm sorry,"

"Come again?" I blurted back.

I knew what he had said and that his expression said it wasn't to be uttered again. Without warning he flicked me on the nose and handed me a handkerchief.

"What? No kiss to make it better?" I ask, rubbing my stinging nostrils.

"Fat chance Kirschmann, there is no way in hell I am catching what you have," he said, stroking my chin softly before heading into daylight.

I couldn't help but feel my insides squirm at his choice of words. A penny dropped like those coins had into Jean's grasp; maybe it wasn't a case of catching.

* * *

><p>"Right. Situation is as follows," Levi started, on penning us into the cart, "Nick, correct me if I'm wrong but you are going to say shit all about anything else from now on."<p>

We all glanced at the Pastor for him to nod in agreement.

"We'll drop you off at an Inn before we reach the breach in the Wall," Levi continued, chucking him a bag of coins, "Make your own way back to the Capital."

"But Levi-," Hange began.

"He just said he won't speak, so if he isn't useful he's a liability. Speaking of which I will be heading to a nearby Corps stronghold whilst you head on to the breach with the brats. Kirschmann will be going nowhere until she's had a medical examination, are we clear?"

Everybody pliantly nodded, not wishing to argue with my husband as he scanned us all with stern eyes. After dropping Nick off we only made it as far as the Stronghold. With no sign of the squads returning from the breach as to lead us on the decision was made to remain until further word reached us. I spent the entire trip watching Levi's back, thoughts pooling into some dangerous territory equal to that of our surroundings.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bit early but hey, gotta keep you on your toes! I hope you enjoy - I know its a lot of talking and not too much action at the moment but I'm setting up a few arcs for you. It'll all explode in a few chapters, trust me hehe. Let me know your thoughts guys! Also feel free to share the story - hits are flagging a little as expected for a sequel but ya know :) Until next time! x**


	7. Sinking

**A/N: Angsty-fluffy warning. Nice and juicy chapter which I enjoyed writing, best served with a cup of green tea - I hope you guys like! Also...may have just ordered a cosplay uniform... ANYWAY... x**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sinking<span>**

A few flecks of scars were scattered, like a constellation across her back. I admired them, thumb caressing the tiny dents whilst water trickled between them. They were like a distant memory kissed onto her skin. I remember seeing them seeping with blood, how she was flung like a rag doll, caught in a cloud of splinters and stone. My heart had stopped for the first time in years, dropped into the pit of my stomach and had begun to blister in its acidity. I have faltered in battle before and a flash of it had rung in my mind as I yelled out for her, wracking my chest with a voice that wasn't fully my own; Isabel's scream had that same break in it, that same vie for help that snapped all other thoughts from the mind. I knew then that Heidi was more than a passing fling, really knew it and understood how I felt. It was fucking petrifying. That mission was sobering and infuriating all at once, fires thought to be petered out were crackling full blaze and unhinging me in the process. Never felt to thankful to have been cracked open like that and left to bleed out.

I blinked, breaking from my recollections and drifting my focus from the pattern strewn over my lover's shoulders. Heidi was tense, tenser than she should be around me. It prompted me to speak, moving the flannel softly.

"So what's up, other that throwing all that shit up earlier?"

"It's nothing," she wavered, absorbed in something other than the feel of the water.

I had frogmarched her to Hange's room as soon as we had all settled with the simple instruction of 'fix it, or at least diagnose it,'. Half an hour later she was in the bath I'd run and I was washing her back asking this question that had been burning on my lips since the alley.

Heidi's toes twiddled, face withdrawn and I waited. I gave her long enough a pause to vouch what was on her mind she usually did. This time I received nothing more than the sound of bath water lapping against her limbs. Troubled by this odd response I scooped up her wet hair and draped it tidily to the side. Maybe it was the veil of damp locks that was stifling her response? Gaining nothing other than the tip of her nose coming into view I wrung the flannel only to dunk it again. I made for the side of her neck. Even that was hard, as if retracted wires on manoeuvre gear.

_'Probably all the dry heaving.'_

She hadn't really spoken on returning from Hange's room, save a thank you when I presented her with a bath. The longer the silence lingered the more worried I became and with it that burning feeling was creeping into my gut.

"I thought that, maybe-," Heidi began, only for her words to escape her once more.

Wether the abandon was intentional or not was unclear to me. I continued to watch carefully, unable to supplement an end to her sentence. She sighed and I splatted the flannel on the edge of the bath.

"Heidi, I said I was sorry but I can't help it if I don't know what's wrong. I'm not a mind-reader," I offered, unable to fully contain the bite in my words.

_'As much as I want to be right now,'_

"That's the thing," she said softly, turning to me, "It wouldn't _be_ a help,"

Heidi's green eyes moved around my face for a moment, the water clipping away as it shifted with her, "In fact, it would be a massive pain in our asses."

I lost eye contact in her desperate tone and she continued voicing her words to the bathwater.

_'Better than not at all,' _I reason, masking my irritation.

"Well more mine than yours, but in spite of it-,"

I retook the cloth and wiped her brow in an attempt to get her attention again. Heidi exhaled, her hands gripped the edges of the tub tightly, grazed knuckles nearly white under the tension.

"I have food poisoning and that's the end of it," she grumbled, rising and clambering out of the tub.

My hand fell limply at my side as I watched the water slipping of her body, transfixed on the tone of her voice rather than its content. I knew more than most that it is what remains unsaid that should be paid more head. Though the sway of those hips had me occupied, torn between annoyance and concern; there was a lack of purpose in her gate, no ease just stress that was wrought with weakness. Sighing I let the water from the bath. I was usually good at surveying a situation. But this took more. I clearly didn't _get_ it. Whatever _it _was. She started drying her hair and I took the opportunity to slip out and find someone who would answer my queries.

* * *

><p>"Oi, Hange,"<p>

I yanked said woman's head up from her desk by her ratty hair.

"Ai! Levi!" she exclaimed, whining at her disturbed sleep.

Not fully satisfied she was awake I kept a hold and letting her rambling continue, "I had this dream that Seanny and Bean were alive and I had another called-,"

I drop her head with a clunk and peered out the door to her room. Nobody was wandering about but I wasn't taking any chances and so shut and locked it. Spinning back I was greeted by a sleepy looking woman all but sprawled over her table much like her work. The room she'd claimed as her bed for the night was tiny and yet Hange had already managed to turn it into an abyss of papers and candles in a matter of hours. Holding back a remark I recalled why I was here and suddenly felt uneasy. My body went into auto pilot and decided to inspect the mess. I walked close and began casually peeking at her papers, fingers shifting the leafs. Hange's scrawls were a blur, even without the low candlelight they would have been indecipherable.

"Where's Molbit?"

She blinked, looking around the little room as though he'd appear from beneath the bed or something.

"Gone to sleep, I guess," was her deduction.

"Wise decision. You're going to fuck up your eyes more if you continue like this," I indicate, flicking one of her lenses lightly.

Her hazel eyes rested on me for a breathe or two before scratching her goggle straps, "Suppose you're right, Levi,"

I sort of smile at her before my gaze caught sight of Ilse's diary. I pick it up and lean against the table, flicking through it absentmindedly.

"Levi?"

"Hm?"

"What do you really want to know?"

I drop the ruse and muster courage I'd somehow lost between the bathroom and Hange's room.

"What's up with Heidi?" I ask frankly, voice still weak.

"Food poisoning," Hange answered, genuine confusion creasing her lip shut.

I gave a blunt glare. I towered over my friend in her chair, a novelty I could have used to my advantage and glowered down. There wasn't any fight in me. I'd lost that too. Shit.

"Why is she upset? She's pissier than I am and I can't make any sense of it,"

"Says you. How fucking cold were you being this morning?" she highlighted.

I didn't respond, knowing he wouldn't get information if I insulted her. Hange let out a long breath, trying to read my sharp eyes in the candlelight.

"Levi, you see," she began awkwardly, scratching the tip of her nose and pulling her glasses off.

She proceeded to clean them with the edge of her shirt, speaking all the while, "With women a million things could be up. Her hormones could be everywhere, they could be..._arriving_,"

I cut her off, my brow pulled tightly in habitual defiance of wanting this much detail. I knew when these, _things_ happened, but Heidi wasn't one to bitch and whine about it. If anything she just got quieter. I speculated the concept, no this was different and last time I checked the women in the legion didn't randomly start puking up for a week at a time when nature called.

"Or...not," she deduced from my flat expression.

Nothing had ever clicked so quickly in my mind. I was incapacitated by the sheer recoil of it. I could hear my heart stammering somewhere in the vicinity but I was sure that my comprehension was blanking it and all else out. A Titan could have appeared out the window and I wouldn't have even batted an eyelid. Not that I normally would but suffice it to say I was currently rendered motionless even if I wanted to. Heidi was _pregnant_? My chest was moving so I was breathing and a heat was buried in there somewhere. It nestled right in my core, burying me in a bizarre blur of thoughts and fuck knows what else.

I didn't register the diary falling out of my hands, nor hear it hit the floor. It was only when Hange's cackle split her face into two that I regained self-awareness. My face hardened considerably, the fact I felt the shift unnerved me.

'_What the hell expression was I pulling before?'_

"She thought...oh Levi, don't look at me like that you're at it a lot," she practically spluttered, latching onto my arm with a pat. Hange started to compose herself, reaching down and retrieving the book, "Which is _fine_, great…without you letting me take note even I can see that, _hear_ that, so it makes sense for Heidi to think, what with the throwing-up and-,"

"Speak directly Shitty-glasses, or I will beat the crap out of you."

My warning tone was enough to calm Hange completely and simultaneously twist my own gut. I could feel a vein throbbing on my forehead as my pulse fought against the sudden tension in my body.

"She isn't pregnant, Levi."

For some reason the words took a moment to digest, as if I was punctured rather than having relief washing over me. My body slumped in spite of itself. It was the wrong reaction. Or was it? I set my troubled gaze on the floor.

"Should have seen your face though," she continued lightly, tossing the diary onto the desk.

My brow flattened further, my irritation at Hange dissipating along with another one of her breathy chuckles. Before I knew it I'd turned on my heel and was ignoring Hange's beckoning once again.

* * *

><p>My pace was brisk and my path set. Further than that I was a muddled mess. Why hadn't she said anything? Why was I feeling a vacancy to each steady breath I was taking. I wasn't sure if I wanted Heidi to be awake or not as I reached our room and the consideration brought me to a standstill. Cautiously I peered through the crack in the door to find her sleeping. Eyes thinning with conflict I edged the wood open with a finger and slunk across the floorboards. Clearly my body had decided it preferred her asleep.<p>

She was always so peaceful when unconscious, the little lines on her face fading out to nothing but smooth skin, except between her eyebrows. The tiniest dents resided there and it never failed to bring the smallest of smiles to my face. A midnight breeze tumbled in, weaving between the blue light that filled the room and blowing a few hairs over her shoulder. I shut the window and knelt at her bedside. I was forced to sit as a pang pinched my foot.

_'Shitty ankle'_

Time passed but my thoughts didn't subside. Before I knew it I was picking at the sheet, pursing my lips in contemplation without a care for the ache in my back.

"Upset that she _wasn't_ pregnant," I whispered, barely sounding the words.

It was as if saying it would process the notion and the sight of Heidi lying there would answer my uncertainties. Well being silent and thinking hadn't helped much. I had no inclination that this was something she wanted, _yet_ anyway and as a result I had been knocked sideways; that was as far as my thinking had got me. Oh and dwelling on past conversation was probably what got us messed-up in the first place. My eyes become thin of their own accord, as if narrowing them would help me read the dreams behind those moonlit features. Heidi just lay there, obliviously breathing softly against my wrist.

"One of a kind you are, my Heidi-chan,"

As I gave into the steady flushes of warmth, images of a house I'd never seen and a kid that looks just like my Heidi hanging on her leg fill my mind.

_'She'll have black hair though, after all my own-,'_

Realising I was getting carried away my vision was blotted by Heidi getting hurt, unable to fend for herself. What if I lost both? Both gone in a blink of an eye, thrown like rag dolls or worse. Resting my chin upon the edge of the bed in defeat a million thoughts continued to assault my mind. That burning sensation was blazing in my chest with more fuel being piled on. Against the cotton I checked myself.

_'There is no kid so what am I even doing?'_

Running an anxious hand through my hair I lull against the bedside drawers. It's not long before I find my eyes drawn back to my sleeping lover.

_'Wouldn't have to be a girl.'_

"I mean what the hell kind of father would I be?" I murmur to Heidi, "Thinking all these crappy thoughts all the time. Head stuck somewhere else all the time these days, "

Running a finger along the soft skin of her forearm I shrugged of a shadowy recollection of my own childhood back to the shitty part of my brain from which it emerged. I press a kiss to her temple, soft and tender as a reminder of the gift I have in front of me. I want to protect her from it all. From everything I had to go through. I don't want to darken her mind with the things that terrorise me and yet she clamours to know them. It's hard to shake demons away, they've been clinging to me all this time like mud, ingratiating themselves into my veins despite my efforts to cleanse them.

"Mhm, Levi…," Heidi mumbled sleepily, fingers spreading out for me.

I slide my hand across the cotton, covering hers.

"I'm here and I always will be Heidi," I divulge, rising to tuck her in properly, "Until my last breath, just like I said,"

"Never want to see that day," she admitted, not opening her eyes or stirring save her lips.

"Me either," I quietly jest, not realising she was listening until then.

Dozy green with dilated pupils fixed on me. It often startled me how pure those eyes were, framed with full lashes and so fucking perfect. Especially in the night they shined and usually with reassurance. Comforting words to banish the nightmares she had no idea about. Sitthing there right then they were dull but equally as captivating. I forgot what I was saying until the sensation of Heidi's fingertips traced my lips. I smooth her hand in mine as she spoke.

"Sorry,"

A beat passed; a pause for my heart to lurch uneasily.

"What's wrong?" I meekly attempt.

I had to try one last time. I wasn't sure how long she had been listening and sure as hell wasn't going to start this conversation unless she really wanted it but I still had to give it a go. I felt like I'd been thrown from my gear and my head was still whirring around in the air these past twenty four hours, constantly looping around one constant. My constant was right there, staring at me as if deciding something. I keep my grey trained on her completely.

"I look at you sometimes and I know you Levi," she whispers, fingers running up my cheek, "Right down to your very core and then...sometimes I feel like there's a part of you I'll never see, wether it's by choice or not I-,"

I felt like I'd been punched in the chest for the second time that evening as I interrupted.

"It's never going to be enough of a deterrent if I say you're better off _not_ knowing, is it?"

Okay, maybe something else is involved other than the pregnancy thing. Part of me knew this was coming, not that I wanted to. I hoped she would have forgotten or let it go. Fat chance of that happening, I'd married the most determined woman I'd ever known.

"You promised,"

"I know I did…maybe in the morning when you're not chucking-up your innards?" I offer honestly.

That shit is hard enough to stomach normally, I still have difficulty with it. I'm surprised when I hear her pat the bed and roll onto her back. Obedient and sick of the soreness of sitting on the floor I climb over Heidi and shrug off clothing down to my boxers.

"Can I?" I ask lying next to her.

Heidi answers by settling herself in the crook of my arm, clinging to me a little bit tighter than necessary. My expression crumpled, cuddling her gently and glancing up at the ceiling.

_'We need to talk more. This is just a kink. We'll muddle through this…I survived a week beyond the wall and she's survived me up until this point…we had a shot at least.'_

* * *

><p>"Feeling better?"<p>

I scooted up to a seated position only to have Heidi's torso land in my lap, embracing me, "I understand if you want to chuck me out the bed for being a bitch,"

I sit, just enjoying her proximity and stroke her head quietly.

"You don't have to agree when I say that, you know," she mumbled against my hip.

Smirking softly I felt the weight of what I had learnt yesterday resume it's place on my heart. It would dissolve the dozy morning spell if I chose to speak, of this I was certain.

"Heidi, before we go into my crap, I want to ask you something,"

"Hm?"

She curled herself right into my crossed legs in an almost cat like manner. She nuzzled, eyelashes tickling my knee as she gave it a quick kiss. It became apparent she was still half asleep as a deep exhale escaped her.

_'Why does she have to be so affectionate right now?' _ I pondered, pulling back a bit of her hair as to see her face.

She was looking better, more like the woman I recognised. Her skin had that glow about it again and her body was a far cry from the rigid form it held last night. Pleased I got lost thought and stroking her face. Images of a little kid bouncing in the room and piling onto us was as vivid as Heidi herself. It would disrupt the calm air but only to induce laughter. Immediately I cursed myself for letting such a thing enter my train of thought, exhaling and conceding all at once. Resigned to smoothing the soft gold curls that were splayed across me, I couldn't find the heart to broach my sleeping wife. She even smiled up at me with those goddamn morning eyes right then as if giving me another chance to begin, but what did I do?

"Actually we can talk about it later, it's nothing of consequence," I settled, taking my cowardice for her content.

'_Yet.'_

That came as I leant against the headboard,

"Levi-kun," she yawned.

"Hm?"

No answer came and I just basked in it, closing my lids and taking Heidi's hand in mine.

"Heichou?"

"Psst…Heichou?"

I pried an eye open to the hiss of a whisper coming from the doorway. Eren was poking his head in. I brought a finger to my lips.

"Heichou, the teams are back and Erwin is here. He wants a word," he says, "with Heidi,"

Staring at Eren for a long minute oddly made him very perceptive.

"I don't want to wake her either, if that helps," the kid added awkwardly, eyes resting on Heidi softly.

"It doesn't…I'll go," I answer, beginning to negotiate movement.

"He was rather specific. Just Heidi and on her own, though he seems to be a bit preoccupied with the teams at the minute," Yeager continued, halting me.

'_This better be fucking important,' _

I shoo him off and look to the woman covering me. I poke her chubby cheek.

"Oi, sleepy-head. Time to get up…Eyebrows wants a word."

"He can fuck off or I'll personally shove a clock up his ass so he can know the time wherever he goes." she said, or at least that's what I gathered as she turned her face into my thigh.

Heidi hugged my knee as a pillow and I couldn't help but think she was still being adorable rather than annoying.

"Seriously it's too _early_…," she groaned into my silence.

"I hate to burst your bubble but," I paused peering out at the sun, "it's just about ten in the morning.

Next thing I knew I was hit with a pillow and raised an eyebrow at the grumpiness that followed. I chuckled in spite of myself.

"Quit giggling," Heidi ordered, flipping over in my lap.

"_I _don't _giggle…"_ I informed, seizing her weapon but without yanking it from her clutches. She held on with her best scowl, but it wasn't a patch on my poker face.

"As amusing as it would be to see you attempt that buying him watch would be less effort, then again you seem to enjoy attention in that area," I reply cooly.

Heidi blushed furiously at me and that little kick I get from her flusters flitted into my eyes.

"Better be careful you don't get any ideas about _my_ ass," I added, smirking and letting my gaze wander over her, "I'm not as pliant,"

"Pervert," she accused, jostling the pillow to no avail.

"_Your_ pervert, idiot…" I started, wrestling her to the bed and chucking the cushion elsewhere.

I took the opportunity to peck her nose, adding a 'forever' on the end. Heidi groaned again but I could practically hear her smile behind it.


	8. Dust

**_Sorry it's been a while since I updated, please accept my apologies. Life is an unprecedented thing and can be a right pain in the butt, couple that with writer's block and blarghh…ANYWAY…back to Heidi and Levi…_**

**_Previously: Levi and Heidi made up, though haven't spoken in depth about what they are thinking. Levi knows Heidi thought she was pregnant and has agreed to tell her about his past. Heidi, remains oblivious to Levi's knowing and had been summoned to see Erwin._**

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><p><span><strong>Dust<strong>

"I have to go with them," Heidi said, buckling the strap that crossed her chest.

Levi regarded her with a listless expression and that usual something brewing behind his indifferent eyes. Uncertain of her lover, an occurrence unsettlingly familiar, Heidi threaded the leather in her hand through its corresponding eyelet.

"Levi, say something."

He narrowed his tepid grey gaze on her, that lingering thought sinking beneath the surface only to be replaced with the words 'Be careful, I can't -,'.

"Sweep in and save my ass, I know," she ended anxiously, fiddling with her gear at the hip.

Neither was sure of what the end of Levi's sentence would have been though they didn't push for it. This morning had been a reminder of how it can be between them; easy and light enough to forget everything else. Short-lived, it was like a breath of a wind: brief and fresh. However, as the wind gives it also takes, clarity coming at a cost. Clouds can get swept away, and not always to reveal blue skies. Heidi was feeling it now; under Levi's slate stare and her nerves that were shot to shit, exposed in the bitter morning air. Whatever had settled had become disturbed.

Heidi huffed, exasperated and resetting her shoulders. She just couldn't get the damn thing to latch on straight and the daylight streaming through the barn windows was only illuminating the struggle before a scrutinising husband. It wasn't just the gear. Akin to the clasps Heidi couldn't bring herself to commit to the inevitable; telling Levi precisely what had been getting her down these past few days and causing her to snap when she oughtn't. It would clear the air completely on her part and in the wake of his renewed promise, perhaps that blue sky was lingering just over the horizon. It was a simple thing, but given the past few moments of silence Heidi was conflicted. Possibility surrounding Levi's reaction ground between her teeth along with frustration at the task at hand. It was just as well she resolved to prolong the quiet; the whole situation was childish of her and now was not the time to remind him of it.

"What did Erwin have to say?" he pried, eyeing Heidi's fumbling fingers.

"He changed his mind. Postponed our chat 'til we return."

She didn't divert her eyes from her gear, tightening one of the screws up with a thumb and forefinger, muttering soundless curses to herself.

"Tch."

With that Levi was kneeling on the hay strewn cobbles at his wife's side, inspecting the machinery for himself. The emptiness of the stables creaked between the beams, blotting the daylight from the uppermost reaches of the building. Muffled footsteps and commotion murmured in from the yard. It was filthy, as Levi had regarded on entering, but though he wouldn't admit it the place had a sense of resonance. There was a story drawn into the rafters with every cobweb, every weathered hinge, each sun-bleached piece of timber against those dark and damp. Even the dust dressed bottles that adorned the sills spoke volumes. They whispered to him, clinking with an intermittent breeze. The sight made his skin crawl out of instinct, but all the dirt was drowned out on finally locating Heidi.

Levi had never been one to hold onto the past, save the regrets etched so very deeply into his wretched soul. So when he spied his wife in uniform, sat in the midst of it all on an upturned bucket, he couldn't help but stare for a moment. She remained untainted by her surroundings, this pristine thing in the middle of an unsightly mess. Placed in a pool of light Heidi's gaze was fixed upwards at everything and nothing at all. She looked so small in the wake of the barn and in that instant Levi sincerely hoped another regret wasn't about to come to fruition. The look of uncertainty and consideration curving her features hadn't been encouraging, and that she hadn't noticed his presence until he'd dropped in front of her and nearly scared the life out of her.

After that came evasive eyes and quick remarks. A bluster of an 'almost argument' that fizzled into nothing but sighs. He didn't want her to go with Hange and the others to find the wall breach teams, given her recent ill-health and what had been playing on her mind. Heidi had half shouted that she wanted to 'be useful rather than a burden' and that was where Levi had left a gap in the conversation. In his opinion she was still unfit to fight, if it came down to it, distracted and weak, but there was no way to defer her mind once it was set. The reminder of this, as he cast his eyes to the cobwebs trailing in the breeze, made his heart sink into concern once more.

Levi had agreed to tell Heidi everything and yet all he'd seen since was casting a shadow of doubt upon his decision to do so. He wasn't a suspicious man, but their was change in the air beneath the scent of moss and hay; Levi felt it creeping through his fingertips and pitching an awkward pulse in his heart. He didn't want Heidi to know about the man beneath his stoney facade. It was there from habit and for her own good. Heidi had seen beyond it, of course, but not completely. The less than pristine husk of a man beneath that chalky wall made him angry, his gut churn, his heart beat that little bit heavier as it did right now. Most importantly he was well concealed, covered and buried beneath memories too hard to erode over time. Levi did not want the woman he loved to see this pitiful and vile creature in the casket. There was no way to undo such a reveal and the uncompromisable result would most definitely break _all_ of him. If Heidi's fierce emerald eyes were to change when she looked at him; the sparkle that met his ever cold stare fading until there was nothing left…Levi couldn't think on it too long but no matter what she protested about it not making a difference Heidi was still human, whatever they had gone through didn't dictate their future entirely, and Levi couldn't blame Heidi for wanting to leave him as a result of his own mouth. Though, the way things were going, he seemed to be capable of ruining their marriage without a word.

Taking hold of Heidi's hips, now at eye-level, Levi wondered if she would tell him about Erwin's plans before leaving. Levi wasn't naive. Erwin had hinted enough as to what was to happen and the man wouldn't have postponed a meeting. His friend was yet to delay a talk of such importance in all the time Levi had known him. It was a matter of timing with their Commander, everything was in this time-sensitive occupation. His mind trickled back to the woman in his grasp and the mechanism on which her time would depend.

Heidi noticed how Levi's had brow set, his thumbs pausing over cold steel. Somehow it was as though Heidi's harness had added extra tension between them. Donning it made any loose or wayward thoughts all the more real, squeezing them into the rocks rattling around her chest with every breath. She shifted her weight and Levi did the same, tilting his head to the left as to glean a better look at her gear. Heidi's now teary eyes went to the roof, biting on her bottom lip in an attempt to bury the emotions chafing under the leather. It hit her, as she gazed up past the shafts of grey light and to the webs that dangled from the ceiling, that they were more at ease but still unresolved. A pair left with questions rolling on their tongues and ghosting their thoughts, lingering in the shadows and hidden in the cracks. All it would take would be a gust of wind to bring it all tumbling down.

Levi scooted that little bit closer and began tampering with Heidi's 3DMG. It made her snap back to her senses, his hot foggy breath catching on her bare hip as she stretched for him. Heavily, her green eyes rested on his raven crown and the wrinkles between his eyebrows. Clearly he was too focused to be annoyed at getting his slacks dirty. As ridiculous as it sounded Heidi knew that if he was distracted from filth Levi's mind was set on something more serious.

_'Does he know? How could he unless Hange said something? She wouldn't have…or perhaps Erwin had said about our deal…'_

"Oi, short-ass,"

Soft heather met her eyes and Heidi found herself cradling his face. She smoothed Levi's cheeks gently, enjoying how soft his skin was and continuing to mull over her behaviour yesterday. Embarrassment and apology flared in her cheeks at the mere recollection of it but she remained in his gaze. She forced her tears dry.

_'I can't believe what I was thinking. Stupid of me really.'_

Heidi then made the mistake of realising the last time they were in this position; Levi being knelt before her gave a rush of images, misgivings, feelings that were just as naive as they were now. She had remained lost, perplexed and overwhelmed by the love this cold and hard man shared with her. The main difference between then and now, irrelevant of place and time, was the question in Heidi's heart…the one attempting to burst out from her bindings above the others. Was that sensation enough?

"I love you."

Was she getting wiser or more reckless? That hell-bent determination killing the one thing in her life that had been so wonderful. It wasn't long ago Heidi had decided her path had always let to the man at her feet, all of it was leading to him. A flurry of cool wind tumbled into the barn, disturbing Levi's hair. It danced over his serious gaze and set Heidi's mind on another avenue of thought. Levi encased her hands with his, gaze gentle and oblivious to her thoughts. He placed a slow and small peck on the inside of each palm, dismissing most of that which had creased his expression. It caused Heidi's heart to flutter.

"Come back. We'll have a chat of our own," he mentioned, rising.

His eyes zeroed in on the faint wetness of her cheeks but a whinnying horse cut off the questioning in his stare. They both looked to the barn door.

"Kahini!" Heidi grinned, moving from Levi's grip and quickly brushing at her face.

There stood Eren, holding onto the reigns of an over-excited mare. She stomped her hooves rearing with a nicker and shirking off the Titan-shifter in a few seconds.

"Woah!"

Breaking free of Eren Kahini all but galloped over, nuzzling her head against Heidi's chest and almost purring in contentment.

"Missed me that much did you?"

Heidi smoothed her head, all the while feeling Levi's eyes analysing her.

"How is she here? I thought they kept her back at HQ?" she asked, embracing the mare's shoulders.

Kahini, meanwhile, had her own ideas and began nudging Levi's chest demandingly. He rolled his eyes and the giant hazel ones, fishing out the handkerchief in his breast pocket. He unraveled the parcel to reveal what Kahini's keen nostrils had been searching for: sugar cubes. He kept them there out of habit, Dante was always such a good companion and they were his favourite. As her wet lips smothered his hand in saliva Levi recalled that his steed wasn't as high maintenance as _this_ animal, never having sought out the treats so unashamedly.

_'Disgusting beast better ride true,' _

Levi needed Heidi back safe and if that horse pulled a stunt like their first mission he wouldn't think twice about putting an end to it, no matter how endearing it was being. Kahini rubbed against his knuckles, velvet hair provoking Levi to give her a rub.

"Came with Erwin and that Amy girl…the red-head that interrupted the meeting," Eren answered, whilst eying Humanity's Strongest wearily.

He met a piqued eyebrow and a firm gaze.

"Anyway I best go, stuff…to _sort_," Eren backed away, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so.

"You ready to go?" Levi enquired, rubbing his handkerchief over his hands.

"Yeah,"

Heidi moved, patting Kahini's shoulder and lifting her boot to the stirrup. She was about to mount when she was tugged back down onto the cobbles.

"Hey, what's the big," Heidi started, but on turning her voice fell to a whisper, "idea?"

Levi hadn't given Heidi a second to find her feet before pulling her into a tight embrace. A bit bewildered she hugged him back, leaning into his solid torso. Time became irrelevant, all the thoughts swirling in their minds going blank for a moment.

"Heidi,"

His voice rumbled against her chest, hands cradling her back gently.

"Stay alive, for fuck's sake."

He didn't allow her to speak, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead and taking hold of Kahini's bridle. Sharing a soft glance to her lover Heidi got on her horse, letting Levi lead them to the yard.

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><p><strong>Sorry it's short, but hopefully enjoyed! Let me know guys. Much love x<strong>


	9. Woods through the Trees

**_Hi guys! Just got back from Comic-con in my Petra cosplay, had a brainwave walking back through the park and yeah...WOOHOO for inspiration! I hope you enjoy guys x_**

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><p><span><strong>Woods through the Trees<strong>

The sound of hooves clomping on twigs clicked around me and each inhale I took was as clear and crisp as the sound they made. This was the only variation I could ascertain between embarking and this instant, as well as the numbness that had crept through my grasp on the reigns. Last I recalled there was feeling in my fingertips and something else echoing in my mind other than this uncomfortable and brusquely punctuated silence. It had dragged on, bitter and flat, with any thought stumbling into my mind being disassembled into the same repetitive mulch beneath Kahini's tread.

I flitted my eyes up from the steady motion of her sandy coloured shoulders and to those of my comrades. They weren't saying much, if anything, hoods drawn up in a bid to bide out the cold. Bored of the eerie quiet of the formation, I found my interest drawn into the low lying mist. It wove its way through the myriad of wiry trees lining our path and ebbed up to the grey, featureless sky. The distinction between the two was lost, rolling alongside and above in a dense and seemingly endless expanse. A wind ghosted over my knuckles and for a second I believed it to be Levi's fingers running over them. A shiver shot through me, jarring a conclusion from my muddy pool of a mind.

"I should have said something," I muttered under a cloudy breath.

_'Should have just looked him in the eye and said it all. What the hell is wrong with me? Talk about not wanting there to be questions between us…'_

I flexed my fingers, which ached, whilst my brow creased with this murky train of thought. I clung to it though, as feeble and insubstantial as it was, determined not to lose a solution of some formal within my irritably shaky grasp or to the thicket of branches reaching out into the road.

"We're screwed if we think this will work as it is," I ended.

"What was that, Heids?" Jean asked.

"Nothing…just…never mind," I mumbled, setting my sights back on the almost slate blue woods.

It was a look of resignation and frustration. The was sight irritating me more than it should have as, between the trunks, the forest floor was lost under the blanket of fog. It was as if they, together, were conspiring to conceal its secrets from prying eyes. I couldn't help but thin my lips.

_'I could die and he won't know…know what? I'm not pregnant and never was? Fuck. Why am I even thinking about it? More importantly there's…'_

My grip tightened on my reins, brittle as another branch that cracked beneath our horses.

_'Levi's better off not knowing Erwin's plan just yet. Still shouldn't have lied about not speaking with him this morning though…but then Levi wouldn't have let it go if I did say…annoying bastard. Cryptic, closed off little…shit…I sound just like him. He had to go an hug me didn't he? Be so damn adorable when I woke…,'_

Warm tears filled my eyes but I blinked them away; I honestly felt lousy about the whole thing. However, forewarning hadn't stopped the acidic taste in my mouth or the anguish in my heart at the prospect of what was ahead. This indecision of emotion was trying, weighing down on my shoulders as I fought to remain impassive.

_'Levi's going to tell me about his past. When I get back, that's what he said. I'll take the opportunity to be brave, let him know what was going on, is going on…say how I didn't want him thinking on Erwin's proposition and well, about me…he'll understand…though the look in his eyes in the barn…does he suspect something is amiss?'_

"It's about Captain ass-wipe, isn't it?" Jean pressed from my left.

"Jean, it's more complicated than you-," I whispered, staving off the chill and conflicted thoughts by smoothing Kahini's mane.

"Hey leave it out Horse-face, it's _her_ business not yours," Eren interrupted from behind us.

"Fucking hell," I murmur, looking over to Armin with longing.

_'Knew I should have gone to the front of the formation.'_

"What was that about Shorty?" Hange piped up, pulling her horse back a bit.

"_Nothing_," I assured, seeing the slight worry framing her eyes behind those goggles.

She slumped back and looked a bit dejected but continued to bring her horse over that little bit closer. She opened her mouth as though to speak when Jean grumbled something under his breath.

"Except that he's being a dick."

"Take that back!" Eren abhorred.

_'Here we go.'_

"You'd think _you_ were the one married to him the way you speak sometimes. You know that, right Yeager?" Jean returned, slinging him a blunt and remorseless expression.

"You're the one that wants to _be_ him,"

Jean scoffed, attempting to cover the blush in his cheeks with a scowl. It made me a little uneasy but I couldn't expect him to just switch off how he felt about me at the drop of a hat. Maria knows I couldn't do that with Levi. Needless to say I forced my stare forward, evading Hange's curiously attentive gaze and getting dragged into the argument.

"I'd rather be _you_ than _him_, Titan-prick, any day of the week. No offence Heids,"

I rolled my eyes, safe within the cover of my hood, closing my lids as to calm my fraught thoughts. It all felt so raw and ragged again, blistering beneath the surface - all of these hard conversations and unknowns swelling within. This was all moving too fast to keep up, my brain being over capacity as it was. It made me briefly wonder how Erwin kept it together with all his plans but that only spiralled my thoughts into further turmoil. I could hear Jean and Eren getting louder, sharper. I couldn't contend with those two bickering all the way to the Wall and didn't intend to for much longer.

"Really, I wonder what you'd be like as a Titan, Jean," Hange pondered, throwing her two-pence in, "More reserved than Eren, perhaps, then again-,"

"A horse-shit Titan," Eren gaffed, "Or shitty-horse Titan."

_'Okay, this is stopping. Right now.'_

"Better than being a dick-less maniac!" Jean gritted through his teeth, glaring at Eren.

"I'm the one married to Levi!" I announced, cutting off the free for all mid-flow and stilling Kahini, "_I'm_ the one with shit to think about so if you don't mind…if everyone could just shut the fuck up about it and leave me to my thoughts or better yet focus on the mission…that would be _prefect_!"

My blood was boiling, cheeks charring against the cool forest air. It would have been apt for an owl or wood-pigeon to sound as everyone involved regarded me with speechless expressions and came to a unanimous halt. This stand-off hung in the icy air like a bad stench, glances being exchanged with embarrassed expressions to accompany them. Eren was the first to apologise, followed closely by Jean. I managed something about them being idiots and not to speak to me for a while before trotting over to Armin. Even at his side I could feel Hange's focus fixed on my wings of freedom. Catching her out the corner of my eye I couldn't help but glean she wanted a word with me in private, the down-turn of her lip and the sympathetic hue of her hazel eyes said as much. I wasn't exactly feeling social so opted to glance ahead once more. They shuffle of the horses continued for some time, a residual calm covering the group once more.

"It'll work out," Armin said quietly.

Whether those words were directed at me or not I was uncertain. Armin's expression was concise, stuck somewhere beyond the path and as serious as his youthful face could muster. However, the softness in his big blue eyes warmed my heart and fingers regardless; he always knew what to say. I was a little envious of this ability but it didn't bother me, as we shared the gentlest and tiniest of smiles.

An hour or so later, having met an in-tact Wall Rose with no sign of our comrades other than upturned grass, we found ourselves going back the way we came. Disgruntled and more than concerned, we proceeded after some tracks that Jean and Molbit noticed in the lifting fog. It wasn't until we came to a large viridian coppice that something good came of our wandering.

"HEY, IT'S JEAN! OI, KIRSTEIN!"

All of our heads snapped to the right. We knew the voice, but couldn't see where it was coming from amidst the towering ferns.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT FROM OVER HERE I MEA-," a boisterous woman interjected.

It didn't take until the end of the sentence for those in the 104th to break formation and bolt in the direction of the voices. We ended up in a steeplechase, jumping a couple of streams and broken trunks along with rocks and bushes that peeked out of the remaining mist. The more we passed, the more debris littered the woodland floor. It should have been a concern, but it didn't enter my now elated mind.

_'They're alive, they all have to be.'_

"OF COURSE I'D RECOGNISE THAT HORSE-FACE ANYWHERE…AND LOOK, HEIDI, EREN AND ARMIN…IS THAT SQUAD LEADER HANGE TOO?!"

I looked behind, where Hange was racing after us. A nervous Molbit eyed up the destruction that surrounded us, bringing his horse to a steadier pace. I cast my now weary eyes over to Armin, he seemed to be galloping but with the same trepidation tracing his features.

At last we reached a clearing, or more aptly a place where a space had been cleared of some form of building. It was a battlefield with huge chunks of what was assumed to be castle cast across the mud like confetti. There were bodies, the stench came before the sight, blood merging with earth at our horses' hooves.

"What on Earth?" Molbit managed, voice slow and uncomprehending.

Following his eye-line I spied, atop of a crumbling tower, a cluster of familiar faces.

"Connie!" I yelled up, relieved.

"HEY, SHUT UP YOU BALD IDIOT!" Jean shouted, lowering his voice as he realised what he was doing "We don't want everyone to know who's with us, what if something hap-,"

"You _missed_ what happened. _Nothing_ is going to happen that beats what the hell happened here last night!" Sasha announced, leaning through an embrasure.

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><p><em><strong>Please review, reviews kept the Titans distracted while we retook Trost after all...<strong>_


	10. Close to Home

_Howdy! Thank you everyone who is reviewing/favouriting and following this story, welcome to the feel train aha! I hope you enjoy this guys...oh and shout out to my guest reviewers :) Also all the supportive reviews, you've got me writing again guys x_

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><p><span><strong>Close to Home<strong>

"Cadets, get down here!"

"We…," Connie started, looking to the rest of the 104th that were with him.

"Can't, we _can't_…we don't have any gear to…"

There was a long pause as his shoulders and shaven head sunk in defeat. Those on the ground exchanged weary looks, and all of a sudden even Armin and Hange appeared unsure in Heidi's eyes. She, in tow, felt anxiety trying to re-arrange her features.

_'Usually Erwin tells at least one of them what's going on…or Armin figures it out…what's that face for?'_

She kept her expression placid, focusing on Armin. Said blonde had a preoccupied stiffness in his lips, bright blue eyes piercing the space between his horse's ears rather than up at the gang. With that Connie's voice sounded over the clearing.

"Shit, Captain Levi isn't there, is he?"

Heidi shook her head, breaking from Armin. She noted how all of her comrades upon the turret had visibly relaxed at this, save Krista. Her friend still had a worried expression plastered across her face, eyes darting to her…feet? Heidi's brow finally caved, furrowing while dismounting Kahini with a clink of her gear.

"Plus, we've got a casualty. Ymir, she can't…"

Heidi was already three-quarters of the way up the tower by this point, Sasha only ending the sentence as her boots clipped delicately onto the flagstone.

"Move."

"Who are you?" Heidi started, staring at Krista.

She kept her blades at her sides, not as if to strike but equally not holding them neutrally.

"Wh-," her comrade began, still standing in front of a wounded Ymir.

"I'm not seeing to her until you start talking," Heidi overrode, voice calm but laced with dark promise.

It caused those in the 104th to look to one another, expressions pained yet curious at the interaction. Nobody moved, nobody spoke for too long.

"But Heidi, Ymir needs-," Bertholdt suddenly chimed in.

Out of the corner of her eyes Heidi saw blood seeping across the ground, slowly staining stone as it spread. The more she paid it mind, the more the smell stuck to her nose. It all but dislodged the disdain from her hard gaze until Hange landed at her side.

"She's a Titan," the scientist interjected, voice flat in her assessment.

Contempt recaptured Heidi like wildfire. She was ablaze with it, threatening to boil over with just those three words. It suddenly clicked why Krista had spread her hands out a little, as to shield her injured girlfriend. Her blades felt heavy, as did the gear strapped to her legs. It was all that kept Heidi still in that instant.

"She'd be dead by now if not,"

Heidi considered how Hange knew this, something in her additional statement was off. Like it had just been shoved on the end from another, long settled conclusion. The 104th's faces were still in shock but more at Hange's 'guess' rather than the news itself. This deemed the information invariably right to Heidi and that just made her want to scream_ 'What the fuck is going on here?'. _She could practically hear Eren's fists ball to her left. Clearly he was thinking along the same lines as her.

"We'll start moving, but then you'll talk, won't you Kris?" Jean interrupted, voice recovering some authority when placing a hand on Heidi's shoulder.

She didn't spare him a glance, nor a thought for how long he'd been lingering behind her, preoccupied in a locked gaze.

Two pairs of emerald eyes had fused, one in fury and aggravation whilst the other in anxiety and apology. It was a searing union, blinding out all else that was going on upon the turret. It reminded Jean of Annie and Eren, the latter of whom hadn't blown-up yet. This gave him the confidence to maintain his hold on an extremely rigid Heidi. Having laid waste to any laxness in her body she was as stiff as a board, one with sharp and splintered edges at that. Needless to say Jean smoothed over the arch of her shoulder in hope of diffusing this sincerely messed-up situation before it escalated further. It fleetingly crossed Jean's mind that he could have saved himself from this no doubt migraine-inducing level of disillusion by just choosing the Military Police as planned and when he had the chance.

The slumping of Heidi's shoulders brought him from this thought with a snap. With Krista fit to burst into tears whilst Heidi sank into some other mindset entirely, Jean sensed an entirely new tension mounting. It strung at his pulse awkwardly; that between the two women it was clear he was meant to be here. As Marco had once said, he understood how the weak felt and clearly knew what he was supposed to do: his hand had flung out to Heidi before he could really process Ymir being a Titan. If he thought about it, he was a bit bent out of shape in that regard…out of the loop once more…but thinking on it wouldn't help anyone. Jean understood this and all he knew was that nobody needed another titanic explosion between the group. They'd been rumbled by Annie and another bout of turmoil had clearly occurred with last night, judging by their faces. They were human after all. However, if they couldn't keep it together what hope was there? The Corps were in disarray, if not yet it was on the horizon, any idiot could see that.

He scanned each expression carefully, still not relinquishing his hold on Heidi and ignoring the fact that the people he was staring at actually weren't _all_ human.

"Fine," Heidi bristled.

"You," Hange began, pointing at Bertholdt, "Start explaining,"

Before he could even get a word out Hange had him by the waist and was thirty meters up Wall Rose.

"For the love of…WAIT FOR THE SIGNAL SQUAD LEADER!" Molbit called after her, shooting a flare up into the grey sky.

A stream of purple arced above the soldiers, calling for preparation to be evacuated. As the bustle ensued Heidi noticed Jean's hand was still planted on her shoulder, his warm breath curling against her neck in the cool afternoon air. It was soothing but not enough to fully dampen her ire.

"Why didn't you have your gear?" Heidi asked, voice clipped as she shrugged Jean off.

They exchanged a brief and muddled look.

Everyone seemed a bit sceptical of answering her, exchanging equally weary glances in the stead of speaking. It wasn't a surprise who finally came forward: Reiner, who had been watching Berholdt's removal with serious eyes, had looked to the short woman and seen the genuine confusion written somewhere into her features. Never one to be deterred, he spoke frankly.

"We were told not to. Erwin's orders."

Heidi's gaze thinned, looking up at the undamaged wall and then back to the devastation surrounding them.

"You want a hand with that, Molbit?"

She watched Reiner, with a wounded arm, walk over and lift half of Ymir onto a stretcher. A pang of unease pitched a place in Heidi's gut as there wasn't much more than half of the woman left. Her comrade was blood-stained, broken and missing in-part and _she_ had gone straight at Krista like a viper. The last few minutes stilted into clarity as she continued to stare at the crimson seeping through Reiner's shirt.

_'What the fuck was I doing?'_

Heidi blinked, still sensing Krista's eyes flickering to her every few seconds.

_'But how many lives could have been saved by her secret? Their secrets.' _

Aggravated, but now only at second-guessing the volatility of her actions, a presence at Heidi's side distracted her.

"Connie, he covered your ass by the way," she mentioned quietly, "Don't worry about Erwin."

"Seems like I'm always getting saved, huh?" he sighed, something absorbing his expression, "Perks of knowing the missus, ey Kirsch?"

She smiled meekly and he gave her a friendly bump with his arm and going over to Sasha. Heidi watched as Connie brushed some of the hair from the brunette's face, searching her expression intensely. It was a comforting sight, seeing them together, it played on Heidi's thoughts, mind wandering to her own husband. However when she heard Sasha say she was 'so hungry it's unreal', his eyes vanished from her thoughts.

Something tugged at her arm.

"_You_ need to calm down," Jean advised as Heidi faced him.

"It's just so frustrating. Every time we get close to something it either slips through our fingers or something else turns it on its head," she returned, trying to keep her voice down.

Jean sifted through her eyes, causing the blonde to look away and bite her tongue. She knew he agreed, it was shadowing the hazel of his gaze, and it was making it harder to look at him.

"It isn't going to help doting on it though," he pointed out.

Heidi sighed, momentarily defeated.

"Talk to me."

With that the conversation was no longer about the circumstances surrounding the turret. Just with three more words Heidi was in another headspace, her heart lurching at the swill of emotions within her. She stepped closer and Jean touched her elbow softly, as if to coax some words out.

"I wish I could, Jean…but you'll just get annoyed, either at me or him."

"So what?" he countered, searching her eyes once more.

Heidi felt like chucking his words back at him but instead settled for his name.

"Jean,"

She inhaled deeply and brought her fingers to her lips. He looked concerned, bright eyes burrowing into her expression for any information. She considered her words as they stuck in her throat, eventually forcing them out.

"You're too young and marriage is hard to understand even when you're in one…believe me when I say you can't help and don't need to hear about Levi and I, alright?"

_'She has a point. She always has a point. I haven't been in a proper relationship, let alone married…but-,'_

Jean ended up conceding his train of thought and the pursuing of Heidi for any more on the matter. The physical contact went along with these things and he scratched his head for a minute, hoping to find words from somewhere. The continuing zipping of wires whooshed around them as he leant on the turret wall.

"Well, Ymir certainly fucked this place up, didn't she?"

Heidi let out a small snort of a laugh in spite of herself, leaning on the stone beside him and inspecting the damage at their feet. Jean nudged her playfully.

"Wouldn't have expected any less of her if Krista was in danger, Titan or not," Heidi replied.

It was Jean's turn to chuckle as Heidi's eyes trailed between the rubble and blood, mind mulling over the battlefield. It was clear to that Ymir had saved all the 104th present by transforming, all of whom appeared relatively unharmed given the complete devastation surrounding them. She drooped her head down.

"Going to have to apologise to Krista, aren't I?"

"Or whoever she is…but yeah," Jean returned.

Heidi nodded, heart still thrumming in her chest and could-have-beens blinkering her vision forward. However, if Jean could switch-off in regards to her husband then there was hope for her too, be it a blip on the horizon. Heidi let her thoughts rest on Levi for a second, his distance and apathy in the face of life suddenly making that little bit more sense: maybe it was just easier.

* * *

><p>He glared out the window, broad shoulders rising and falling steadily. Levi wasn't sure what he was looking at or what had caught his eye and distracted him from the task at hand in the first place, but the pause it brought was welcome all the same. His slate blue eyes sloped over the surrounding woodland, the hills lining the horizon encompassing everything and anything outside whilst appearing focused on none of it at all. Blinking, his eyebrows drew together in the minutest of ways. Otherwise, Levi's expression remained flat as he turned it to the door.<p>

"Schultz," he greeted.

The auburn-haired soldier straightened, recovering from his keen senses and, no doubt, the use of her name. It wasn't anything new to Levi, a lot of recruits faltered at his acuteness. Though, as his eyes scanned her briefly, he noted that none of them had the gall to make him tea without request, or enter without knocking.

"Sir," Amy returned, bobbing with the tray in her hand.

He didn't move, save for another glance outside. He heard her footsteps on the floorboards and smelt the bitterness black tea turn over the air around him.

"You're Gunther's sister."

It was a statement, not a question and Levi heard Amy gulp. She was clearly unsure of how to answer, given the long pause that followed his words.

"Yes, Sir. You, you know about me?"

"From Heidi, mostly," he mentioned, voice a little gentler than both had expected.

It was at this moment Levi chose to properly assess the girl and so completely broke his gaze from the window. Amy Schultz had that youthful naivety about her, something he'd seen colour the countenance of many a soldier that had fallen through his hands. It was more than a stone's throw away from what he had witnessed back at HQ, which was encouraging. She was holding the tray to her chest, awaiting his permission to set it down, obedient and certain of herself all at once. Levi took the opportunity for his eyes to survey hers only to decipher a glimmer of his friend somewhere amidst the brown staring back so bravely at him. He swallowed in discomfort, but did not let his features budge a fraction.

"And your brother, of course."

Levi glared at the tea. He didn't mean to, he just wanted to look anywhere other than in Amy's eyes for a few seconds.

"I just wanted to thank you," she clarified, setting it on the desk and pouring him a cup.

He leant against the wall and watched her with an outwardly bored expression.

"I'm not going to ask you how and why he died."

The air became stagnant in a heartbeat. Levi's face did not flinch, but by the Goddesses did his mind stammer. It was as if his soul shook at her words, whatever remnant he deemed as still resembling a soul in him that is.

"I know you would have done everything you could," Amy continued stepping back and crossing her hands behind her.

"So what do I owe the visit?" Levi enquired, taking up the tea.

"I also wanted to offer my condolences, tell you that Gunther was proud and thankful to have the opportunity to serve under you, Corporal. I hope to do the same one day."

Levi nodded, unable to stomach or voice his thoughts. It was the first time one of his soldier's family had offered _him_ sympathy and he wasn't familiar with how to digest that. He looked into the cup, letting the steam banish painful memories for a breath or two.

"He was a fine soldier," he then remarked with tight lips, taking a sip.

The tea was acceptable, bitterness washing away the names rolling about on his tongue and in his head. He relished it for a minute, lowering his lids.

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn…but are you going somewhere, Sir?"

Levi spared a glance at the case on his bed, the pile of folded shirts beside them and the papers littered around the place where he hadn't stuck to the what he was doing completely. He found himself deciding that Gunther's remarkably astute eyes hadn't evaded him for too long.

_'There was me thinking death was a finite thing,' _he mused satirically.

"No, I'm just making preparations for the 104th's return."

The girl's now flint-like eyes darted around the room then back at him with a spark of understanding. It almost made Levi smile in the wake of everything, that flicker of the familiar interrupting reality.

"If you need anything, Corporal, just send for me."

Levi grunted in response, glaring at the papers. He set down his cup, scattered thoughts swirling through scattered pages.

_'Where do I begin? Nowhere is a better place than another… yet the whole thing is inescapable…fuck, Heidi…the things you want of me…'_

* * *

><p>"Her right arm and leg have been bitten off, her insides are like scrambled eggs but otherwise she should recover…there is a little Titan steam so there is a good chance for complete regeneration," Hange ended, rising from Ymir's side.<p>

Krista nodded, "So you believe what I said?"

"I believe that the more we know, the closer we are to unravelling the mystery of the Titans. Keeping our enemies close is definitely proving more fruitful…look at what we've learnt from Eren…I'd rather be good friends with Ymir, if possible. The information she can provide is a treasure to human kind. Only…she herself might be simple by nature…and the more I'm seeing, the more complicated things within the Walls are appearing…"

Hange's voice trailed off at that, rolling deep into thought.

"So Historia Reiss, like those famous nobles?" she broke off.

The blonde nodded anxiously.

"It's good to meet you," Hange smiled, shaking her hand.

"Historia?" Heidi interrupted.

The Scientist took this as her sign to depart, walking along the line of the Wall, answering a few questions and doling out a few orders to soldiers as she went. On giving instruction to move Ymir to Trost Hange caught sight of Jean, offering his hand to one of his comrades. Immediately, she ventured over and crouched at his side.

"Need another?" she asked from the top of the rope ladder.

"Yeah, thanks Squad Leader. Hey Reiner, anyone tell you you're built a freaking bear?" Jean gritted, heaving one side of the soldier over the top.

Reiner awkwardly landed on the Wall with the pair's help, clutching onto his mamed limb.

"I'll take that as a compliment Horse-face," the blonde smirked, mussing Jean's mane up as he rose.

Hange studied the pair, enjoying the evident comradery curving Jean's scowl into a small smile. It was comforting to know that it was still there…it was looking a bit sketchy down on the other side of the Wall. It was good to see that the ties between the youths were as strong as those she held with her comrades. Perhaps the Corps had more of a shot than even she was beginning to believe.

"Did she talk?" Hange posed, "To Levi, I mean."

"Not a clue," Jean answered honestly, perching on the edge of the Wall.

"We're going to have to bump their heads together, aren't we?"

Hange sighed, eyes wandering back to Heidi. The two blondes were embracing now and that rare feeling of relief was spreading through Hange's body, teetering into her hazel eyes.

"She's fucked off that he hasn't told her everything," Jean commented.

Hange flitted her attention to her subordinate. He seemed resigned and as pissed off as Levi was on a good day; it didn't suit the young soldier. His hazel remained stuck on said short-asses' wife, looking more troubled by the second.

"I had to coerce him…a lot, and I don't think that even worked…it was after he lost his first Squad that Levi started to let me in," Hange vouched quietly to Wall Maria.

Jean's face scrunched up, as though a bad smell was wafting from that very direction.

"Everyone has shit to haul, you just got to let them do it in their own time…you know."

He gave her a look that many people did, that slightly odd expression were agreement mingled with questioning.

"Do me a favour, get her over here would you?"

In a few moments Heidi had plonked down at Hange's side, gear clinking on the Wall. Hange wasn't sure how to broach this, she'd have to improvise. It wasn't every day she had evidently crushed the hopes of her best friend's wife. Her face had been firmly etched into Hange's mind that night, confusion and disappointment. They hadn't spoken since. Not only that, the poor girl was contending with possibly the most secretive and closed-off man still in existence. He wasn't called Humanity's Strongest for his skill in battle alone.

Chipping away at that wall of unyielding silence was a life-long occupation, even Hange had struggled to get as far as she had and the fruits of her labour were small. Sweet albeit, but also few and far between. This woman had unlocked something in Levi, that was for sure…and it was good for him. Being loved was what Levi needed and a gift that special needed a little help every now and then; no matter how determined a package it came in.

"He'd probably push me off the Wall for having you sitting here so precariously," Hange mentioned.

Heidi snuffed, leaning back on her palms and kicking her legs back and forth a bit, "Has Levi said-,"

"I hardly know anything and I can't say if I did, as much as I want to Heidi-san."

"I know."

"Do you reckon he'd be…he'd have been happy if I was?"

"Again," Hange shrugged her shoulders into the unknown.

A breeze bumbled around them for a moment or so, as if clearing the conversation away in order to make space for another.

"What do you reckon will happen now?" Heidi asked gravely.

"This complicates things, though it clarifies some questions Erwin, Levi and I have had for a while."

"Hey, what's Eren shouting about?"

"Hm?"

Hange's brown eyes set on Eren, they widened on absorbing the words he was flinging about so readily escalate. Reiner was clearly aggravated. The taller cadet looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. With that there was a crack of lightening, so loud Hange felt herself sliding forward. She grabbed onto Heidi as light and dust clouded her vision.

"EREN!"


	11. Concede

**Hiya! Hope you enjoy this chapter, there's a bit of gap filling and a shed load of conflicted feelings (yay but argh)**

**Just an update: we left Heidi and the gang with an explosion on Wall Rose and Levi back at base with a visit from Shultz and a pot of tea, still awaiting the 104th's return...**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Concede<span>  
><strong>

**_Earlier That Day…_**

_Sheet after sheet of light fell, a cascade of rain catching fire in the midst of lightening. It thinned his brow. Damp. Dripping._

Levi punched.

_Dripping and rolling down his neck and amidst her whispers._

Levi kicked.

_They caressed his ear, the words curdling his blood._

Levi sprung back and launched forward once more.

_Dripping._

_Dropping._

_Onto the ground and pooling around his dirtied hands. _

A smack of flesh on leather, the dirt curling at his he as he skids backward.

_The muck jarred itself beneath his nails. Stinging, stunning, making movement stilted as he stared at the sight before him. Tears may have boiled down his cheeks but the cold rain made his so damn numb._

Another kick, a flick of ebony hair from his eyes.

_"Bitch, had a pup?"_

_"Get a gag,"_

Levi ground his teeth.

_Those lifeless eyes glared back, wide and uninhibited by his thunderclap of a heartbeat._

_"Your name?"_

He shot an arm out, before dipping and diving.

_Dripping._

_The water clogged his nostrils, his sight, the pores of his skin were crying out for air._

His brow crumpled, hard eyes focusing dead ahead.

_Her hair was splayed in the mud, all black and red and he was yanked upwards by his._

Levi felt his muscles pumping with energy as he lashed out again.

_"Why don't we make a deal?"_

The punching bag would have swung wildly from side to side if given the chance. However, its assailant allowed for little momentum on the other party's behalf. As a result it was forced to tremble in the wake of Humanity's Strongest soldier. Fist over kick, grunt over breath. Levi slicked his hair with the back of his forearm, stepping back. Impatient and stifled, he pulled his jersey over his head, dabbing at his face with it. The sweat stunk and he felt disgusting. At least the ache in his ankle had all but dissipated providing the tiniest of silver linings to the storm clouds brewing over days ahead. He rotated it gently and cast his top aside. Heavy heather eyes landed back on the target, accompanied by laboured breath.

_"I'll keep you to that,"_

His hands clenched to fists.

_"Thief,"_

_"You can have it back,"_

He ran back to the punching bag, flipping part the way and throwing all his power and aggravation into another kick. Levi heaved on the recoil, perspiration leaking from his face like a faucet; as constant as his pattering pulse. Pressing a cold and wet brow to the sand bag, eyes shut tight, mental exhaustion threatened to drag him to his knees. His body was able, ready to fight, so much so that his knuckles were almost white beneath the redness induced by his practice. Yet, as the tension tugged at Levi's tendons, he felt like he was gripping onto something entirely different than a punching bag: an absolution that was wrestling with his instincts.

Levi's mind was spread thin, folded in on itself, compressing under his weight of his muscles. It was all still there in his head, locked away but waiting to pour out. Raw sewage sloshing through his veins, rising to the surface, even after all this time the scent still gripped him, scrunching his nostrils. Each and every thought was inhibited, infected by such haunting and warped images, recollections. Not only that, it was all blurring into one; the good and bad in one puddle, muddied waters getting harder to wade through with each movement he made. Usually training cleared Levi's mind, alas, it only made these atrocities sharper, vivid, just like that fucking-.

Glistening with sweat he pushed off the equipment, hardened face a picture of suppressed emotion. He round-house kicked the sandbag and it completely detached from the hanger, falling to the ground with an almighty clunk. The muslin split, the grains spilled out and they hissed into the silence. Levi just stood there, expression suddenly pained and dark: he needed to get these damn thoughts out of his head if he were to be of any use in battle. Irritated, he sprinted to the steady rings that hung from the ceiling. They clinked together with the breath of wind that circled before Levi took to them. With a leap the three foot gap was closed by hot flesh and icy cold metal. He hung there solidly, arms wide and stare set on the wall, biding time for it all to come to a still under his power.

Jerking his hips Levi began controlled momentum. Back and forth, up and down, release and grip, switch. He went through the motions, the rhythm his body knew, summersaulting as to shake out the cloudiness of his mind. However, just as the fire in his muscles started to burn with promise, something cut into his pulse.

"Depending upon what they find you and Hange will accompany the remaining 104th for the foreseeable future, Levi."

Erwin had spoken, breaking Levi's concentration and isolation in one fell swoop. The Commander kept his hands clasped behind his back, broad shoulders blocking most of the light coming into the training hall. Levi had caught sight of him in his periphery, still mid-air, and with another propulsion of his feet to the sky he went to flip himself to the floor. His black tresses slapped his brow when he dropped to the ground, their minuscule patter drowning out the soundlessness of his landing.

Levi regarded Erwin for a brief second, walking across the vacant room. He took a sip of water from his long-abandoned canister before replying.

"Heidi included?"

He noticed Erwin eye the broken equipment that was left in his wake but choose to divert his attention back to him. The blonde gave a long and measured sigh, blue eyes flitting over Levi toe to crown. He studied the shorter man for a second or two before embarking closer. He took a leisurely seat on a bench and threw Levi his towel. He caught it, dabbing at his neck.

"You recall our agreement in HQ."

Levi nodded, primarily remembering his wife was to be kept safe. The rest blotting in slowly. He repeated the sentiment in his head and sat at his friend's side, as if the mantra would blank out the visions that had plagued him all day. If anything came of it they blinkered back into Levi's head with an irritating vivacity.

"Is that all you've got to say?" he asked, apathetically.

"When they return, be sure everyone is ready to leave at dawn."

He'd have to look Erwin in the face but in that moment Levi wanted to do anything but that. The chill in the air was suddenly more astute, his pulse that little bit sharper as he breathed, staring seemingly blankly at the wall opposite. Fluttering his eyelashes to waver it all off, Levi found Erwin's face.

"I will give you no other duties to fulfil."

Surveying the gravity of his expression told Levi more more than the order he had uttered. Yes, it was an order. His face was kind, softer than necessary but oddly stern. Levi searched reticence of blue irises before grunting in accord. He hadn't even made a step before Erwin made the rest of his appendices known.

"Levi, don't let pride get in the way again. You know my methods."

The Commander did not deter his gaze and anxiety ached in Levi's bones; he felt sure but only in that his thoughts were betrayed by his face. Fuck knows he'd been battling with more than the training equipment these past few hours and it caused Levi to consider how long Erwin had been watching him. An eery silence sank back into the room and Levi let it fill his mouth for a moment, there weren't any words to take up the space for a minute or so.

"I don't intend to start doubting them now if that's what you're asking, Erwin."

A small smirk appeared on Erwin's face, one which Levi sort of entertained by staring at the broken punching bag.

"I'll fix it."

"Commander!"

The pair darted their attention to the door. There stood a soldier haloed in the brisk light of day. Though his face was obscured the panic in his stature was enough for Levi's eyes to narrow before flickering to Erwin. His had widened ever so slightly as if to encompass the man more, read the situation before replying.

"Wall Rose, Sir…the…the Colossal and Armoured Titans…they…struck again!" the man panted.

_'Heidi,' _Levi's mind bleated.

"What's the situation soldier?"

"They've taken Eren and another shifter…headed...Wall Maria."

"Ymir," Levi confirmed.

Erwin spared him a small glance, rising, "Most likely. What of the soldiers at the breach?"

"We lost some in the initial struggle. The others are being mobilised, under Squad Leaders Hange and Kirschmann."

"Levi, you are to remain."

"Erwin,"

It was a respectful protest, one which was ignored by Erwin completely.

"Go, tell them we'll rejoin in a bid to recover Eren and the other hostage. The latest intake will remain behind, Levi will be in charge until my return."

Levi felt like a frustrated child as his friend turned to him, the certain look in his eyes condemning him to remain precisely where he didn't want to be.

"You know you aren't ready yet," Erwin continued in an undertone, the soldier scuttling off.

Levi's scowl set further before conceding defeat.

* * *

><p>"We have to go, <em>now<em>!"

Heidi clung to her blade with difficulty. She'd miraculously managed to lodge it into the wall, halting her decent to the ground below. It was a long way to drop, one which Eren had taken in Titan form only moments ago.

"Hang on, Heids,"

"We need to leave, they have Eren!"

With that Jean swooped down and brought her back onto the wall. The momentum, or her ire it was not quite clear, almost caused her to topple over. Jean, simply pulled her closer.

"We can't just go charging after those bastards," he told her, gripping her upper arms.

He could read the turmoil in her teal eyes, how she was even aligning her body to the path Berthold and Reiner had made in the woodland below. Jean wanted to agree with Heidi just to kill those asshole traitors, but even he could see the logic of staying put for now: this was all getting too crazy, they needed Commander Smith now more than ever.

"Hey!" he growled.

Heidi finally snapped her face to Jean.

"Come on. _Think_. Forget any other shit that's going on in your head. It's not going to help Eren if you're distracted, Heidi."

They stared at one another for a long moment, Heidi's eyes wide with doubt. Eventually her gaze softened, melting into Jean's honey-brown eyes.

"You're right," she sighed, "I'm a Squad Leader…need to behave like one,"

Jean nodded, contented by this. He took to letting his eyes meander through the mayhem, analysing it as they went. People were being taken back with stretchers, scolded from Berthold's steam. There was screaming, confused shouts and terrified faces. He quickly looked back to Heidi, who was steeling herself. He watched her rub her eyes with the back of her forearm.

_'Is she crying?'_

Jean hadn't seen any tears, but the quaking of her voice was only just ringing in his head. He began to question wether he'd hit his head or something, everything was fine a few minutes ago. Well, not fine but a damn sight better than this. Reminding himself of her instruction only an hour or so ago Jean turned away, glaring at the horizon with a deep intensity. All sound was drowning out and he focused on the light and the shadow of Reiner ploughing toward it.

_'Maria, is that bastard going to pay,'_

"Hange, what do you need me to do?"

He heard Heidi's voice filter to the surface of his troubled thoughts and snapped back to reality, chasing after her.

* * *

><p>Levi had waited until Erwin had gone before allowing his rage to flare. He stormed past the few subordinates that had remained in the base, though his face remained a picture of composure in the wake of his thunderous steps. On reaching his room he showered thoroughly and made straight for the bags on the chair.<p>

_Their_ bags.

With that a vision of a body wrapped in tarpaulin shifted behind his eyes and he swallowed thickly. Levi heard a clatter of wood as he passed the dress, yanking it open with a little more force than necessary, yanked open the dresser as he passed it. Who was he thinking of? Petra? Heidi? The last time Erwin had told him to hang back had ended with one of the greatest regrets of his life and he just expected him to remain here without contest? Levi snuffed bitterly, trying not to get drawn back into that web of thought.

_'She's coming back, though it remains to be seen how long…'_

Disgruntled, Levi began his work and became wrapped up in his thoughts much in the same manner he'd folded most of Heidi's shirts. He started on her civilian clothes seamlessly, mindlessly. By the time he'd caught up with his actions, about to slot one of her skirts into her canvas bag, Levi paused. He cast a glance over his shoulder, grey eyes falling upon his own satchel, heavy and thoughtful.

* * *

><p>"We wait for Erwin. Then we get Eren and Ymir back. In the meantime we saddle up," Hange answered as they landed on the ground, "Armin, get something together in terms of a formation. I sent someone for the Commander. He should be here soon,"<p>

Armin nodded, jogging beside Heidi and Hange. Jean was coming up on the left, the rest of the 104th trailing behind.

"Do you think Levi will be with him, Heidi?" he asked between breaths.

People watched the Corps racing through the street, intrigued eyes following despite their fear. Green flashed passed, and comments slurred from pedestrians and Garrison alike.

"Humanity's Strongest, will take care of 'em," a man said.

"My ass. If he could, he would have got the Colossal when it first hit," another soldier returned.

They rounded a corner at this, losing range of the conversation in their haste. Heidi felt annoyance pounding through her veins as well as adrenaline. Admittedly, she had to think longer than should have been necessary in answer to Armin's questions, fighting to maintain her focus. Jean was right, she was of no use to Eren if her head was elsewhere. However the whispers and snippets kept flying into her ears as they ran, all of it pertaining to her not-present husband and vying for her attention.

_'Focus. Damn it, Heidi.' _she instructed herself.

"I don't know,"

This earned a flicker of something soft Hange's eyes as they came up to the military stables. She stopped, practically pushing over the guard that stood beside it and flung the doors open. The man, stuttered a response, something muted before it formed coherence under Hange's stare. It was frightening; the way she domineered the air around the young man without even a menace in her stance. He was practically scuttling away on his ass when she ordered him to make himself useful and report into Molbit at the gate.

Filing in Jean's expression became a little more severe, slicing at the space before him. Heidi watched curiously, only diverting her gaze when Hange corralled the last of the youths in. Being sure that nobody was hanging about, the Scientist signalled for someone to shut the doors. Connie and Sasha lifted a beam across them wearily and joined the circle.

The stables were dark, quiet save for boots scraping on the hay and the nickering of the horses. It stank of manure, but this was not the cause of the wrinkled expressions cast in shadow.

"Right, here's how it is. There was a Scouting Legion before Levi, we _can_ function without him. Probably best with his ankle being on the sketchy side," Hange assured, paying Heidi's expression careful mind, despite it being pretty invisible in the dark "If we don't mention him, none of the other soldiers will think about it, okay? Last thing that lot need to hear is Humanity's Strongest isn't coming after the Colossal and Armoured Titans…remember how HQ was after the 57th? That attitude won't retrieve Eren or Ymir."

Nobody spoke, clearly in agreement and lost in the memory of those days. Heidi, who's heart had staggered at the number 57, thinned her lips: Hange was right…they may as well not bother going with that lack lustre. She looked to Jean, mind unwittingly replaying the events that followed. The cracks of light slivering in caught on Jean's face as he spoke, catching the strength of his jaw and his straight nose, it even clipped at the copper in his eyes. They had just darted from her, sharp and sure.

"Realistically, Armin…what are the chances of retrieving Eren and Ymir?"

His voice was filled with a curbed impatience, something that was dancing over every heaving set of lungs in the room.

"It does mean we're at a disadvantage…we'll have to induct the MPs and any willing Garrison soldiers," Armin informed, blue eyes lit up as he leaned forward.

"Done," Hange replied.

"As long as they're not like that wimp we just ran into," Connie scoffed.

"Anyone will do," Armin continued.

His voice sounded detached from his body, though it was not just the shade of their surroundings at play. Before anybody could press him for more a commotion bustled outside.

"Commander Smith!"

"Where is Squad Leader Hange?"

"Sir, we need to mobilise…surely?"

"Not until I have heard what has happened from her,"

Levi stared at them, all stood in the middle of the yard of the base. He could taste the reluctance in the air as they conversed, unease seeping from their erratic tones. He whistled a hard and piercing whistle. Immediately the band of orange jackets dispersed, straightening at the mere sight of him. Levi would had smirked inside if not for the circumstance of this encounter.

"Line up, shits."

They swiftly arranged themselves and a shudder jarred at Levi's heart. They were arranged in the same as that fateful day just under a year ago, though this time there was no face he recognised, no kid with such a fierce want to destroy their foes that it reignited the white hot hatred he also held for their enemy. He saw a bunch of youths, yes, but the air was crisp and highlighting how shaken their resolve had become. Even Amy Schultz had an anxiety about her.

"What is it? You sounded like a bunch of asps hissing and I'm not going to tolerate a half-assed effort while training,"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" she sounded.

Levi just stared at her, awaiting a continuation.

"Well, we...we want to fight...Captain,"

"What use are we here?" another piped up.

Levi sighed, the same question ringing in his own head.

"The seasoned members of the Corps are heading out into Wall Maria territory…after something more risky than usual. Judging by your faces I'm sure you know what."

They all stared at him with the same mild yearning, masked under a conflict to take to their horses. Levi wrestled with his words, attempting to strike a chord without his usual blunt tongue. Now wasn't a time for dead-panning and severity; he had to be frank, but earn their respect beyond his title. It proved a difficult thing to do when all he wanted was to steal away himself.

"If they fail,"

The words lingered in the air, stagnant. Levi suddenly realised how very quiet it was and how they were hanging on his every word, hoping for some form of appeasement behind his next sentence.

"There needs to be Scouts left. I'm not sugar coating this shit…you aren't children. I'm not going to make some speech to make you feel better about staying here. You will feel like shit and like you've betrayed your fellow soldiers…but you need to do this."

'_So much for being tactile,'_

They exchanged expressions, a consensus spreading with each mutter and breath.

"Laps. Don't make me tell you twice."

They started running and Levi thought obedience rather than his words had trumped whatever impending need they felt to fly into battle. Levi wished he held that same conviction as they rounded him, forced-bored eyes continuing to drift to the omni-present Wall Rose. Grey etched into grey, one thought surfacing beneath the troops' footfalls and pants.

_'They cannot fail.'_


End file.
